Another Updated Flames List

The Calgary Flames just signed Bertuzzi to a 1 year 1.95mil contract. Which, I think is decent. Not too expensive and if he doesn't get too injured, he can still put up the points and adds secondary scoring. Which is what we need. And for those that I told that Vandermeer got 2.3 mil a year. They've changed it now and it looks to be only 1.6 mil, which is much better for someone like Vandermeer!!

Cammalleri (3.1) - Langkow (4.5) - Iginla (7.0) (speed/skill - defensive/grit - power/skill)
Glencross (1.3) - Lombardi (1.8) - Bertuzzi (2.0) (speed/grit - defensive/speed - power/skill)
Top 2 lines are very similar in nature. One power forward on the one side. One defensive centerman (one with good hands and does well in traffic areas like the front of the net / one speedster). And one speed forward on the other side capable of opening up space or pulling the trigger. You can even switch up Cammalleri and Bertuzzi every so often to create a power line (Bertuzzi - Langkow - Iginla) who can power their way through. And one speed line (Cammalleri - Lombardi - Glencross) who can use their speed to get them through.

Nystrom - Conroy - Moss
Bourque - Primeau - Boyd/Prust

Not bad in terms of depth forwards here. Conroy and Primeau add the veteran influence and are both skilled enough to shut down opposing forwards. Nystrom proved that he can be a younger/faster Yelle. Moss and Boyd add some offensive capabilities to the mix while being dependable defensively as well. Bourque sounds similar to a Moss type player as well. And Prust would be your agitator/enforcer for those games where he would be required.

Regehr - Sarich
Will be your shut-down defensive pairing just like last season. Both play a similar style of game and found chemistry near the end of last season. Both will hit hard and play smart defensively. Don't expect much offensive contribution.

Phaneuf - Vandermeer/Aucoin
Phaneuf does everything and depending on what you need paired up with him. Aucoin... to complement Phaneuf with another powerful shot from the other point on the PP (though I don't think Aucoin should play that many minutes in a game). Vandermeer... to add some stability to Phaneufs play and to protect Phaneuf from agitators trying to get Phaneuf off his game.

Giordano - Vandermeer/Aucoin
The 3rd defensive pairing. Average offense. Average defense. Makes for a good 5th/6th defensive pairing.

Pardy
Gain some experience for the youngster to replace Aucoin as a steady shut-down defenseman after Aucoin's contract expires next season.

Kiprusoff
McElhinney
Kiprusoff didn't play any better with competition from a veteran back-up. So, might as well give our youngers a shot and McElhinney held his own with a 2.00gaa in the games he played last year. Decent numbers for a rookie.

Holiday Prequel

So, my mom sent me out to Vancouver to get my car fixed by my uncle (whose a mechanic). Don't know if it's cheaper that way. But that's what I was told to do, so I did it. At first, I was really scared about driving on my own for the 10+ hours required both ways, but it wasn't bad. It was great having my iPod and the FM transmitter cause the variety made listening to music and driving a lot more enjoyable. Drank Aloe drinks there and back and ate beef jerky as well. Don't think I'll make driving my day job though cause my bad hurt a LOT after each drive. But overall, not bad. And now I know I can drive to Vancouver and back without any problems. Maybe a driving companion to talk to would make it a little bit better though (someone I enjoy talking to for long spans of time). Though, I think the biggest problem there is finding someone willing to talk with me for that long of a time. =)

Anyways, I ended up heading out to Kelowna after dropping off my car and spent 4 days on the lake. It was awesome. Did some tubing and even tried some knee-boarding (next time, maybe I'll try to step up to the wakeboard or the water ski's!). Got burnt because I clearly didn't put enough sunblock on!! But it was still a great time just having fun and relaxing out on the lake! One of those times where it makes me wish I had a girlfriend to share that time with. Sigh...

And then Canada day came along and I REALLY wished I had a girlfriend to share that day with... we took the boat out at night to watch the fireworks! It was sweet... we had no idea where the fireworks were going to be set off, so we were just floating around Kelowna and then the fireworks ended up being set off within 800 meters of where we were (I think we ended up floating about 500 meters away from the fireworks barge by the end of it)!! Closest I've ever been to a firework display! It was great! But having a girl there to enjoy it with would have made it so much more memorable. Sigh... Kinda wish I brought a camera too...

But... as it stands. It was still a great little holiday.

And now... I have a couple days to get things done around the home. Check up on school stuff quickly. And then it's off for the big vacation with the family over in Europe!

Updated Flames List

Cammalleri - Langkow - Iginla
Glencross - Lombardi - Moss
Nystrom - Conroy - Bourque
Greentree/Prust - Primeau - Boyd

Regehr - Sarich
Phaneuf - Vandermeer
Aucoin - Giordanno
Pardy

Kipprusoff
McElhinney

Goaltending: I like it. IF Kipper shows up to play consistently this year. McElhinney should be a good backup. If not Keetley might be good as well.

Defensively: I like it. A bit to expensive for what we've got though. Aucoin (4mil) and Sarich (3.5mil) isn't quite worth it. But Vandermeer and Gioradanno back on should make it a balanced defense at least.

Offensively: Glencross is good... but I'm not sure he's set for a 2nd liner though. But then again, I think we could do better than Moss on the 2nd line as well. So, I'm still hoping for some better 2nd line wingers to play with Lombardi. And I don't know anything about Greentree.

Looking for 2 top-6 forwards!

Cammallerri - Langkow - Iginla
??????????? - Lombardi - ?????
Nystrom - Conroy - Moss
Prust - Primeau - Boyd
Van Der Gulik

Phaneuf -
Regehr - Sarich
Aucoin -

Kipprusoff
McElhinney

Currently signed players only.
Vandermeer, Giordanno and Hale will likely fill out the defensive positions if they get signed. Giordanno is rumoured to have an agreement in place already.

Not the Right Fender's Day!

It was not a good day for the front right side of my vehicle yesterday. It was not a good day for me, driving wise, either! Ack. What a bummer of a day, lol. But I guess that's what over-confidence does to you when you just get so used to doing something and then you don't pay as much attention as you should.

So... the first thing. I was driving eastbound on Memorial Dr. on my way to church when all of a sudden, out of nowhere... a bird flew in front of the car. Usually they are REALLY good at zipping by moving vehicles. But then I hear a 'thump' and I look into my rear view mirror and what do I see? A cloud of feathers dissipating in the air behind me...

Terrible feeling!! TERRIBLE! I ended up praying and saying sorry to God for killing a bird... I killed a bird. Sigh. But then I started thinking as I got closer to church, "I really, Really, REALLY hope there isn't a dead bird on my front fender..." Luckily, there was nothing. No bird. No blood. No feathers.

Second thing. I was taking David and Tanya DVBS supply shopping and I was perpendicular parking. Yes... PARKING! How... very embarrassing. But yet, it is safer than hitting a moving vehicle. But I made a last minute decision and adjustment for a parking spot and I ended up taking it faster than normal and I ended up clipping my front right fender on the tire rim of the next car over. ACK! My first car accident with actual body damage!! Luckily, everyone was alright, and I even ended up perfectly in the parking slot (strangely enough). But I felt terrible after that too, sigh. I waited for the guy and he was REALLY nice about it, so I'm happy about that. And the damage on his vehicle wasn't that bad either (so it shouldn't cost me too much) and he was willing to deal with out insurance either. Tanya and David were really good about it too so that really helped. Now to deal with my car's damage.

But it was just not my day. I mean, it was just not the right fender's day.

Sigh. Though I must say. I think I'm handling this a lot better than I thought I would. I made sure I continued taking David and Tanya supply shopping and had fun doing it instead of being all down-and-out or grumpy. I also forced myself to head over to Crystal's house for the BBQ after we finished shopping instead of going with the temptation to head home and mope. lol. So, yeah... now to make sure I don't take all the little things in life for granted and start paying attention to the little details (like I was teaching Tanya around that time in the car too! lol) and not become overconfident. No accidents in so many years and getting my advanced drivers exam done, my class 4 drivers exam done and being certified by NAPD (national academy for professional driving) made me too confident in my own driving skills. PAY ATTENTION TO DETAILS, STUPID!!

A... B... C...

Alone: 23 and counting. Less than half-a-year to make it 24 straight years of being single. lol. Makes you crazy just thinking about all the possibilities that may or may not have happened. But then again... I'm the type of person that really wants that first one to be the only one. So, I guess I can't complain too much. Perhaps I just haven't met the 'One' yet. Or, on the flip side... maybe I'm not who I need to be for the girl that God has chosen for me... makes you wonder.

Bored: Man, I live such a boring life, lol. Nothing ever happens in my life (that I take notice of to consider exciting or new). Or perhaps I just haven't gone out and found it. Either way. I find that my life is really boring. Nothing to ever talk about in my life. "So, what's new with you?" is a question that I never have an answer for in my ultra-mundane life. Or is it that I just don't notice things as much as others? Makes you wonder.

Content: Strangely enough, even with the frequent bombardment of feelings of loneliness and boredom... I'd have to say that I'm actually content with my life. Naturally, there are many things in my life that I could improve on and have been trying to work on lately, but ultimately... I'm strangely content with where I'm at.

Now, was there even a point to this blog? I thought there might have been one when I started typing, lol. But clearly, there wasn't much of one. Oh well.

Spring Cleaning!!

Beautiful weather outside! Woke up relatively early (8am) for a no-work day and decided to go for a run. Actual run. Head outside and run. lol. It felt great. Did a bit of work-out as well on the fitness courses scattered around the Hamptons school. I'm sore now, but it felt great.

Also did something I haven't done for quite a while and haven't done consistently since I was in Junior High. Which was to sit and talk to God outside... in the midst of His creation. Hopefully this will re-awaken my spirit and get me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually on the right path!

I think I've been stuck in a lull of... self-despair and self-pity since I got booted from University that second time. I think I've been sitting around just WAITING for something to happen. For something to fall into place. For a fresh beginning. And honestly... that's just plain stupid.

So... it's time to actually get my feet moving and pursue my dreams. To regain some kind of motivation. To have a reason for waking up in the morning (maybe that's why I can't sleep properly, cause I have no reason to live... more or less). Time to take that mask off... no matter how much it will hurt, or how hard it will be. It's time to grow up again. BJ always asked why I was so rude/obnoxious/sarcastic/etc... and I always told her that it keeps people distant. And maybe it's time to stop that. I can't keep holding on to my failures (perceived or actual) forever. This really struck hard when I was thinking about things this week and things that I never thought as a failure in my life... actually were. The one that I always list off as something that probably has held me down was my academics... but over this week... I've realized that relationships have also been holding me down cause deep-down inside I've viewed a lot of them as failures on my part.

Well, anyways... it's time to move forward. Hopefully, I can continue to do so. I've made a deal with myself that I will no longer touch my playstation on weekdays. I cleaned out my wardrobe and tossed quite a few things... also went shopping yesterday and started buying more things (experimenting - though not by much cause I really am a conservative, lol). And I'm cleaning up my room and the basement now as well. Clear the clutter I live in before I can clear the clutter in my mind/life.

No more sitting around waiting for a train to hit me before I get my life in order. Or maybe the train already hit, lol... either way. Time to clean house!

Losing Money...

I'm spending a lot of money this month... it's strange. More and more just keep disappearing...

But, I did end up with new runners... and a new tennis racket as well. So far, it's pretty good. A lot lighter and I get more power out of it. Now, I need to work on my accuracy, lol. And... I'm starting to wish I had thought about this when I bought it... but... a white handle is not a smart idea... cause I sweat a lot... and I think the white... won't be so white soon, lol. And it will be just disgusting in the end. Oh well... maybe I can keep it clean... or maybe I'll purchase a pair of golf gloves or something and wear that when I play golf and tennis too!!

Ooh, which reminds me... golfing season is here!! Should find some time to go golfing too!!

Oh, and I bought 6 tickets for the Childrens Hospital home lotto. Win-Win situation there. If I win a house, sweet. I'll probably end up gifting it to my parents. And... just keep this one for myself, lol!! =P And if I don't win anything, then that's fine too, cause the donation goes into advancing technology for the Childrens Hospital! =P

Bass It Up

So, about 2 weeks ago, I decided to pick up my bass guitar again after not playing it for over a year. Finally decided that after 2 years of owning it... maybe I should actually try to play it, lol. And now... my fingers hurt and are calloused again... BUT I did end up playing on Sunday for worship. And I think it went well. Nobody complained about anything, lol, so that's always a good sign. My hands were so sweaty the entire time, I think I was more nervous than I thought. Cause I don't recall my hands ever getting sweaty when I practice at home. lol. But overall, it was a great time. Now, I just need to get more practice in... get my rhythm going without having to mentally focus on it as much... this way I can actually worship more while playing. But even though I didn't sing... I thought it was actually a very deep worship session. More so then I've had for a while now. Just goes to show how it isn't all about singing... but so much more about just the attitude of worship.

Oh, and I need to learn how to play in more than just one octave, lol. That might help. =P

Fitness Time

Okay... so I've subscribed to Men's Health for 2 years, lol.
I've also purchased a 6kg medicine ball... and an exercise/training ball as well...
Been eating fruit like crazy and drinking more water.
Should buy some new runners soon as well.
Time to get healthy!!
Time to get stronger!!

Belated Playoff Predictions!

Boy... blogs are almost dead... but then Pastor mentioned blogging during service, so here I am!! =P

West Finals:
Dallas Vs. Calgary

East Finals:
Montreal Vs. Pittsburgh

Stanley Cup Match-Up:
Montreal Vs. Calgary
Wouldn't that just be sweet? lol

Stanley Cup Winner:
Calgary

Conn Smythe Winner:
Iginla

Tired and Exhausted!!

What do you call someone who runs in front of a car?

- TIRED!

What do you call someone who runs behind a car?

- EXHAUSTED!

There's my punny jokes for the year! But I am so tired as of late... I can't even explain why! All I know is that I'm having a VERY hard time staying awake (yet I can't fall asleep either...) And I don't recall ever being this tired... EVER! Usually when I'm this tired... I pass out and feel refreshed the next day, but I still can't fall asleep or stay asleep still. And this is driving me crazy! I don't think I've been able to consistently have good night sleeps since... probably high school. I'm guessing stress is the reason why... but there are times when I don't feel stressed out at all and still can't sleep. Sometimes, I wonder if it's because of all the failing I experienced after high school and the feeling of being a failure is just hidden deep down?? Anyways... one can only hope that I start getting actual rest at night!

Cause I'll need it if I ever want to get a medic job, lol!

Though that has made me think too... could I... possibly get into paramedics... Graduate as a paramedic. Learn and gain all the GOOD study and work habits by doing so and get into Med School after?? I'd be a lot older then I ever imagined if I do become a doctor... but I've actually been thinking about that lately. Maybe it's because people at work have been saying that I should become a pediatrician... or just because I'm in the process of thinking about my future again... either way. Only God knows and only time will tell. I just need to get myself off my butt a bit more and start working for it.

Well... those are my thoughts for this week. And now for some HOCKEY!! Even though I feel like sleeping... hockey is always great!

Staying Alive!

Okay... time to keep the blogging world alive!!

Well, it's a new year... and everything feels crappy. Not the best way to start off a new year, lol. But that's just the way things are for me right now. Things just feel crappy. Like I told Kingston and Karen sometime this past week... I really have not adjusted well to this... so-called adult life! Why can't I be back in High School with no responsibilities? No worries? A simple day-to-day life... or perhaps it is just my memories of it that feels right. In reality... I probably hated High School at the time too, lol. Sigh. I need to learn to be content with what God has given me right here, right now...

Anyways... on Sunday... I was in... my so-called... loner mode, lol. But Kingstons party was quite refreshing actually and hopefully he had a great time! Again, Happy Birthday! =) But that morning during service I just felt so... dried out. I feel stagnant and it feels like I have been stagnant for quite some time now and it is just starting to hit me. And it feels crappy when God just feels so distant...

And with all the unknowns with my... education and occupation. This is driving me insane with stress. I'm still waiting for my provincial registration card for this year... but they are currently moving offices and are not opened till at least tomorrow and I can't get a hold of them! I'm so scared that I forgot to do something last year to maintain my registration and that is stressing me out. Then... just thinking about getting an EMT job (perhaps out of town) is worrying me cause of all the uncertainty. And will I apply for the Paramedic program next year? or should I work longer as an EMT to gain that confidence and knowledge before moving on? Sigh... the fear of failure is one chain that I have not broken through completely as of yet still.

But hey... I survived last year. And I got quite some nice memories out of it (along with some bad) but I'm going to try go start remembering the good more then the bad from now on. So, who knows? Maybe this year will turn out to be an awesome year!

Everything

One of my all-time favorite songs... used to make an EXTREMELY powerful skit! It really does make you think though. All that junk... all those earthly desires that distract us and bring us further from Christ. How far do we have to be away from God to finally realize that GOD is ALL WE NEED! That he is EVERYTHING! There are many times when we feel like we have sinned against God so much that all He wants to do is punish us. But this skit shows us exactly what God wants to do.

Thanks to Daniel Mok for finding this on facebook and posting it on his page so I could see it. Enjoy.

Birthday Weekend '07

Wow, what a way to celebrate your birthday! What is it that I did, you ask? Why, I wrote my EMT Provincial exam over the weekend!! Have I ever mentioned that the exam style for ACP (Alberta College of Paramedics) is one of the most stressful times ever! lol

Friday night. I drove up to Red Deer College to write my 200 multiple choice exam. Which I have to wait 4-6 weeks before I get to find out what my results are. I need 75% or 150 questions right to pass. I KNOW I didn't get 100% for sure. Now I'm just going to pray and hope that I got no less than 50 questions wrong!! lol

Sunday morning. I drove up to Red Deer at 5:30am to get there on time to do my practical exams! And waiting in a room for about 2-3 hours before you get to do your first scenario is HIGHLY stressful! But I aced my first scenario... the Medical scenario! It was a 250lb dude that is a Type I Diabetic that had less to eat then he usually does but also worked out twice as much that day. So, naturally, he was suffering from hypoglycemia. So... get the firefighters to lift this... huge dude into the ambulance, lol... and then give him some D50W which is a hyperglycemic. And watch him recover. While ofcourse, going through a primary and a secondary survey to make sure no other injury or illness might be occuring concurrently as the hypoglycemia. Simple!!

Then I got to sit in another room NOT KNOWING what my results from my first scenario was for about another hour or two before I got to do my second scenario. The Trauma scenario! Which, I did perfectly fine in but made ONE mistake. This patient was in a single car rollover at over 100km per hour and was thrown from the car to land 8 meters away from the vehicle. Open fracture to the top left portion of the head with ICP - Intracranial Pressure. I did everything required except one thing. My patient WOULD have survived... but it was not the BEST treatment possible, so FAIL!! arghh!! lol. I did not increase the assisted ventilation rate to 1 in 3 seconds from the 1 in 5 seconds I had him being bagged at. So, because I had him being ventilated at 12 breaths per minute instead of 20 breaths per minute, I failed. And there is only ONE case of ICP where you're supposed to hyperventilate the patient, and that was it, lol. DOH!!

So, I was given one chance to re-test and take another trauma scenario. If I pass the re-test, then good. If I don't pass the re-test, then I'd have to apply for another chance in February to take the exam all over again. So, ofcourse I'll take the re-test. And had to wait another 2 hours before that occurred. But I passed that one, even though I was so stressed out during that scenario that I needed to take two time outs to gather my thoughts. But this patient fell from his roof while cleaning the eave troughs and limped back into the house to sit in a chair. I blanked on how to move him out of the house and chair while maintaining spinal immobilization and ALMOST, ALMOST ruled out spinal immobilization!! Luckily, I used a time out and figured out a way to move him out as safely as possible. But man did I freak out about whether or not I passed or failed that one because of my blanking out during my scenario. I HONESTLY thought that I had screwed up and made a mistake... but I was ECSTATIC when they told me that I passed half-an-hour later of depressive thoughts of failure, lol!!

Anyways... yeah, so THANK GOD that I passed my practical exams! And I hope that passed my written, cause then I won't have to redo anything. AND then I can start job-hunting and see what type of opportunities are out there!!

Oh, and thanks to all those who came out to dinner after my exam for my birthday! Thanks for all those who got me presents! And Jacklyn for making such a nice birthday card! =)

My NHL Fantasy Team

Okay... actually... it's my picks for the probable Flames lineup for this season. This is by request of a certain Kenric Hum who finds it hilarious that I posted my thoughts about the Flames lineup last year and says that I need to post one up this year cause it is now "tradition"!! lol. At which point at the family dinner... Karen suddenly perked up from across the table and said... "huh?" =)

Anyways, here it is!

Forwards
Tanguay - Langkow - Iginla = Had moments last season of being a VERY good top line and should only be better this year. Tanguay did not start off last season very well but still ended the season with a point-per-game and should improve upon that since he is now more comfortable in Calgary. Langkow has been a very steady 2-way center for most of his career and has continued to improve in his offensive output as well. Iginla... no brainer to be on the top line.

Huselius - Lombardi - Moss = Huselius really could almost make a run for the number one left-wing spot with Tanguay and probably will switch with Tanguay every so often, but is probably better suited on the second line where he should have more room to dipsy-doodle against the 2nd checking line. Lombardi proved that he has the offensive talent to succeed offensively through the World Championships last spring and has continued to improve his game and so long as he plays with some sort of consistency will be a good 2nd line centerman. I'm placing Moss on the 2nd line cause I feel that his presence in front of the net and his crashing ways will open up space for both the crafty Huselius and the speedy Lombardi. It will also make more sense when you look at the rest of my forward lines, lol.

Nilson - Yelle - Stevenson/Boyd = The checking line. Nilson and Yelle are both top defensive forwards in the league and will shut down the opposing teams top lines on a consistent basis. Stevenson/Boyd will be the rookies that step in and putting them on a line with Yelle will be the most beneficial for them and the team as Yelle is the steadiest of all the forwards. Stevenson/Boyd will also add some speed and youth and offensive talent to a checking line that may find some chances up front as well.

Primeau - Conroy - Nolan = The veteran/energy/checking line. All 3 players are veteran players with a ton of experience that will help stabilize the game when required. All 3 players are also great defensive forwards that are capable of shutting down the opposing teams top lines as well as the Nilson/Yelle line. All 3 forwards are also capable of adding some offensive touch to their games as well and should add some much needed relief for the top 2 scoring lines as well.

Those are my forward lines. I believe that this will allow the Flames to roll all 4 lines consistently and be a threat with each line. The 2nd line may not be as strong with Moss on the right wing, but it allows the 4th line to be an asset and no longer a liability when on the ice.

Also, I believe that Godard will be the 13th forward and will replace Stevenson/Boyd during games when they play a team with an enforcer such as Minnesota with Boogard.

Defence
Phaneuf - Sarich = Sarich is (from all I can tell) a very steady defensive-defenceman that will be able to stabilize the back end while allowing Phaneuf to join the rush or pinch in more as it appears that Phaneuf seems to be adding that extra offensive dimension to his game as of late. A steady defensive-defenceman will be more beneficial for Phaneuf as Hamrlik seemed to not be able to get back in time to cover for the times that Phaneuf went pinching in the ofensive zone.

Regehr - Aucoin = Both are extremely hard hitting defenceman. But now Aucoin brings a more offensive minded approach to the game as well and should help Regehr get out of his own zone better compared to last season.

Warrener - Erickson = Both are very steady defenceman. Warrerner is your defensive-defenceman and Erickson is apparently the smooth-skating defenceman that can join the rush as well.

Hale will be the 7th defenceman with Pardy being a close 8th.

Goaltending
Kiprusoff = any question that it will be Kipper manning the nets for the Flames? The only question is... will he get the $35mil for 5 year deal ($7mill per year - same as Iginla) that he is asking for? Or will he sign for less like around $5.5mil per year (which is more then Brodeur, but less then Luongo)?

McHinney = for the simple reason as Krahn is injured in the preseason and probably lost his best chance of getting the position. Both were great in the minor leagues... but to see how they do in the NHL is another question.

Power Play
PP1
Tanguay - Langkow - Iginla
Phaneuf - Aucoin

PP2
Huselius - Lombardi - Nolan
Regehr - Erickson

Penalty Kill
5on4
PK1
Nilson - Yelle
Regehr - Warrener

PK2
Primeau - Conroy
Phaneuf - Sarich

Possible Forward Pairings:
Huselius - Lombardi
Langkow - Iginla
Tanguay - Nolan

5on3
PK1
Yelle
Regehr - Warrener

PK2
Conroy
Phaneuf - Sarich

Possible Forwards:
Nilson
Primeau
Langkow
Lombardi

GDL

GDL... no longer!! lol. After 4 years, I finally got off my lazy butt and did my Advanced Road Test!! And to think... the only reason why I got off of the GDL was so I could get my Class 4! Oh well. At least I PASSED! lol. So nervous taking that test... I haven't driven... properly... for 4 years!!

The hardest thing was trying to keep both hands on the steering wheel at all times, lol and staying under the ACTUAL speed limit! I also went out a bit earlier to practice driving and practice parallel parking! I was 3 for 3 during my practices, lol! But luckily, my examiner chose not to test me on any parking so there was no chance of me accidentally hitting the curb or something!! =)

Otherwise, for those of you who are planning on taking the Advanced Road test and still have not or can not yet... It's basically the same as the first road test. Just longer (twice as long - so my examiner said). Double the length with the same amount of mistakes allowed. AND you have to verbalize when you see any potential hazards while driving.

I got docked 3 times. Twice for apparently not shoulder checking, but I'm sure I did. (I probably just didn't make it obvious). And one for going 40km on an exit ramp when I should have been going at 30km/h. Oh well. I PASSED!!

Year 6

Wow, this would have been my 6th year of school after HS... time has gone by so quickly!! In grade 12... I imagined that I would be in Med School by now, lol. How things change. For better or worse... only God knows.

Where am I right now? On another stupid night shift at the Childrens hospital... bored out of my mind but too tired (cause I didn't nap before this shift) to study. Facebook and surfing the net has kept me up for now, lol. But where am I right now in life... Working (Portering at the Childrens Hospital - not much of an accomplishment) and hopefully to be a CPR Instuctor real soon! I am a graduated EMT studying for my mid-October provincial certification exam that I really need to refresh/study for soon. Hopefully, when I pass and receive my certification I can get a job somewhere (probably rural) for half-a-year or so to gain some much-needed experience. And then get into the SAIT paramedic program for next september. And be a paramedic by 2010.

Not quite where I figured I would be when I graduated from HS in 2002. But oh well. I guess I am content with my life right now. Though I still wish I had better study/work habits!! Guess the only way to improve would be to keep working on it instead of just wishing!! lol

Anyways... not much else is happening in my life that seems all-so-boring.

Past, Present, Future

Now that DVBS '07 "Journey To Egypt" is officially over... I've had some time to think about VBS and about life in general.

VBS: The Past
After VBS ended today, I pulled my 3 leaders away for their end of VBS review... and all I got was 3 very tired... very bored... very uninterested youth staring back at me. None seemed to care. None seemed to want to be there... and none of them wanted to say anything and it made me wonder. In the past 4 months of working with them and training them... did I even make an impact on their lives? Or did I do that poor of a job at being a leader for them? Was there more that I could have done? Was there more that I SHOULD have done? Did I fail in my attempt to train them and to be a leader for them? And the more I think about it... the more I think I did. Should I have done things differently... said things differently? Probably. Could I have done things differently... said things differently? Definitely. And I failed to do so.

VBS: The Present
Now that VBS is over... I need to start looking back over the entire program and coming up with a review for the Deacon Board. And I'm scared. I don't know what to say... it feels like we didn't reach expectations and I'm scared. I need to explain why we didn't get the numbers we wanted... why we did this or didn't do that... but most importantly... the numbers. It feels like everyone expected much higher numbers then what we actually achieved... and there are so many theories as to why we didn't... I ... just ... don't ... know ...

VBS: The Future
About a week or 2 ago... I started thinking about next years VBS. I don't know why... but I started thinking about it again when I was sleeping (or half-asleep) and so much of what will happen to next years VBS will hinge on my report that I give to the board regarding this years VBS (or so I think...) and I'm scared. I have high hopes for next year and I have an idea of who I would like to lead and whether or not they can or will even be given permission by the board to lead it... and strangely... I've already started planning for it... it's weird. I have my coordinator lined up... the support cast lined up. When they should start preparing a proposal... how to prepare the proposal... what to do to take away the doubts about not getting sufficient numbers like this year... everything. But those are all hopes... which in my mind are based on whether or not my report this year is good and... then I have to get past the doubts I have on whether or not I even made an impact on these youths lives... and whether or not I should even get involved (even a little) next year. Probably not... but then are these dreams... purely my own dreams... or are they from God? I still don't know whether or not me stepping in to supervise this year was a dream from God or just my own thoughts going...

My Life: The Past
After I started seeing myself as a failure again this year in regards to training these youth to be leaders... it brought up an old wound that seems to never heal and never go away. My time at UofA. I've taught these youth (or at least tried to) to always give their ALL in EVERY opportunity that God provides for them... and I didn't give my all when I was at UofA. I gave almost nothing... and I still wonder... what could have been if I had given my all? I dropped the ball when I was at UofA and I know it... I was given an opportunity and I dropped the ball. ... I understand that this is the past and it's over and there isn't anything I can do about it anymore... but every so often, it resurfaces... the doubt... the frustration...

My Life: The Present
And everytime I look back at all these doubts and wonder whether or not I've truly learned from them... and I don't think I have. I officially became a graduated EMT at the end of June and I graduated with a 4.0... and yet I didn't give my all. I didn't try my best. I slacked off... I was lazy... the only difference this time was my mark. 4.0. But it means NOTHING in this field. I can get a 4.0 in school all I want and unless I perform on the field with REAL lives in my hands... I'm nothing. And it makes me scared... am I a medic just because I've graduated and will have a license to practice in this trade? Or will I only be a medic when I've fully given myself over to that profession? Will I ever? Or will these doubts take me down again? Will this cycle never end? LORD, help me BREAK through these CHAINS that hold me DOWN!

My Life: The Future
There are times when it feels like I put my life on hold for VBS... and now that it's over. I have to put my life back on play. And now I need to search for a job... a real one... in my field. This job at the hospital is great. But it's a temporary position. But I'm scared. I'm not a medic yet... I know I need the experience... but I'm scared of gaining that experience because I'm scared of messing up! And I KNOW that if I find a job as an EMT right now... it will most likely (95%) be rural. And I'm scared... of moving away again... of being a medic... of having lives FULLY in my care... in my hands. Am I ready for this? I don't know.

The only thing I know for sure right now is that I am slowly going crazy with all these thoughts bombarding my mind at the same time! And I have not cried in quite a while... years now... but during worship tonight... I just broke down. I'm so lost. Yet, even with Summer Camp around the corner... I'm scared... I'm scared of asking God for guidance... cause I'm afraid of what the answer will be...

Tour 4

Friday Day Shift (0730-1730):
- last tour now... do or die! Under the microscope now! So CLOSE to passing and graduating... and yet so far from actually doing so! Anything can happen in one tour that can really screw you over!
- one real call today: 14 year old girl who fainted during her exam and was unresponsive for around 5 minutes. She was perfectly fine when we got out there to Chestermere. BUT her bp was really low for unknown reasons so... we transported her.
- two other 'fake' calls: one was a supposed OD... but he wasn't and it was more police matter so we just left. And another was a 4 car accident with some pretty bad damage... but all 4 drivers were perfectly fine and walking around with absolutely no complaints... so we left and left it to police and fire.

Saturday Day Shift (0730-1730):
- not a bad day... 3 calls total.
- first call was for a 16 year old pregnant girl whose contractions were starting. The info we were given on our way there made us think we had an imminent delivery on our hands... but she was only 3cm dilated by the time we got her to the hospital... so she has another 24 hours to wait or so, lol. But 16 years old!!
- second call was for an elderly lady who slipped and fell and 'possibly' dislocated her hip as the doctor who 'assessed' her on the PHONE determined! When we got there... she had perfect mobility to both legs... good distal pulses AND was able to weight bear and walk on her own! Phone assessments from doctors... to a nursing home that apparently is considered one of the WORST in all of Calgary. sigh.
- third call was for an elderly man who was feeling weak and having tremors all over. He started to get wheezes on the way to the hospital... and had a high fever without him knowing about it... very strange symptoms. But probably sepsis.

Sunday Night Shift (1730-0730):
- dropped by the EMS headquarters to get some maintenance work done on our equipment... it's a nice building.
- had 2 actual calls all night. One was someone with... what appears from all accounts to be indigestion! lol. That was a strange call. The other was a patient who had problems everywhere... pain everywhere... headache, sharp jaw pain... chest pain that moved around... left flank pain... left hip pain... right arm numbness... left arm pain... and in the end... we gave him some drugs and he felt better and decided to leave the hospital before even getting checked out cause the wait time was too "long"... some people... the WORST pain in his life ever... and he decides to just walk out because the wait was too long, lol. Was looking after another crews patient so that that crew could go home since their shift ended... and that patient decides that he NEEDS to go for a smoke... so... we bumped him back into the waiting room!
- had another car accident on Deerfoot... with absolutely no injuries again, lol

Monday Night Shift (1730-0730):
- had 4 calls tonight. One was someone with extreme food poisoning from eating at Oriental Phoenix, lol. One was with possible kidney stones. Another was a bipolar patient who OD'd and was hallucinating seeing maggots in which he then attempted to burn the maggots with a can of hair spray and a lighter!! The last one was a 14 year old female who was totally intoxicated... enough that we almost intubated her. We pumped some fluid into her and she regained some consciousness and then started asking for hugs and kisses... so... we figured she had taken Ecstacy and probably a bunch of other drugs as well.
- So, I passed my practicum!! Which means I passed my course! 4.0! lol Now, I just have to wait 4 months for my provincial certification exam... sigh. Oh well... gives me time to focus on DVBS and the future...
- Leaning towards maybe working Rural for a year or two... seems the experience gained through Rural will benefit me as a medic overall. I could probably jump directly into city or Calgary Health region... but I'd be a poor medic because I wouldn't have the experiences. So... I'm going to start looking into rural placements!