Spring Cleaning!!

Beautiful weather outside! Woke up relatively early (8am) for a no-work day and decided to go for a run. Actual run. Head outside and run. lol. It felt great. Did a bit of work-out as well on the fitness courses scattered around the Hamptons school. I'm sore now, but it felt great.

Also did something I haven't done for quite a while and haven't done consistently since I was in Junior High. Which was to sit and talk to God outside... in the midst of His creation. Hopefully this will re-awaken my spirit and get me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually on the right path!

I think I've been stuck in a lull of... self-despair and self-pity since I got booted from University that second time. I think I've been sitting around just WAITING for something to happen. For something to fall into place. For a fresh beginning. And honestly... that's just plain stupid.

So... it's time to actually get my feet moving and pursue my dreams. To regain some kind of motivation. To have a reason for waking up in the morning (maybe that's why I can't sleep properly, cause I have no reason to live... more or less). Time to take that mask off... no matter how much it will hurt, or how hard it will be. It's time to grow up again. BJ always asked why I was so rude/obnoxious/sarcastic/etc... and I always told her that it keeps people distant. And maybe it's time to stop that. I can't keep holding on to my failures (perceived or actual) forever. This really struck hard when I was thinking about things this week and things that I never thought as a failure in my life... actually were. The one that I always list off as something that probably has held me down was my academics... but over this week... I've realized that relationships have also been holding me down cause deep-down inside I've viewed a lot of them as failures on my part.

Well, anyways... it's time to move forward. Hopefully, I can continue to do so. I've made a deal with myself that I will no longer touch my playstation on weekdays. I cleaned out my wardrobe and tossed quite a few things... also went shopping yesterday and started buying more things (experimenting - though not by much cause I really am a conservative, lol). And I'm cleaning up my room and the basement now as well. Clear the clutter I live in before I can clear the clutter in my mind/life.

No more sitting around waiting for a train to hit me before I get my life in order. Or maybe the train already hit, lol... either way. Time to clean house!