Home Sweet Home

Wow, I've been home for about 10 days now and boy has it been awesome. It has just been so relaxing and just so enjoyable... probably havn't gotten that much sleep over that time, but it was a great time nonetheless. I think today was only the second day that I spent the entire day at home :)

But yeah, I was able to finish all my Christmas shopping on time, actually with at least 2 days to spare too, which was awesome, and I'm hoping that everybody liked their gifts. :) I spent a lot of time with friends, and a bunch of money as well, hehe... for gifts and for well, food. Steak dinners don't come cheap. :) But I found that steak dinners are really the only meals that make me feel satisfied... other meals seem to only make me full, if even.

What else? We got a new Christmas tree this year to replace our old one that basically completely fell apart. This one is bigger than the other one by at least a third... so it was a challenge for me and my mom to put the tree up on our own this year... but we got it and it looks good... don't think anybody even noticed the difference though. :) Hmmm... i really love driving... though winter driving isn't as much fun as summer driving, cause I can't drive as fast, hehe... and I can't see as clearly... which makes me more tense... but so far so good. Safe and sound. :)

But hmmm... found out 4 of my 5 marks already... and well... I guess it was to be expected... though not what I would have wanted for this semester... But I already knew that I screwded up my semester and possibly my entire year completely... but the more I thought about it, the more I talked about it (or tried to explain it) to ppl WHY i screwed up, the more I realized that... MAN, I'm REALLY, REALLY stupid! There's no other way to explain what happened this semester... But yeah... I'm going to have to find time to switch up my next semester courses... and hopefully ace them all (A+) in order to ensure that I don't get booted from Uni... again... considering I don't think I have any more freebies...

Okay, that's all. HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone!

Stupid Mistakes

Well... that finally puts the stake straight through the heart... and I was the one who thrust it.

Anyways, seems I AM taking the wrong courses, courses that I don't require for what I WANTED to do... which was physiology... but somehow... I misread the calender and am now taking courses for physiological development or something like that?? which is based on animals... sighs... I didn't want animals... I wanted humans. So... trying to make up for lost time, I tried to change my schedule for next semester, but lo and behold... the course that I require (Physl 211) is a full year course and well... half way through the year, I kinda can't take it. Sigh... so now I'm back yet another year. So... starting next year, I'll probably be doing 2nd year courses... again... 4 years of University... and still doing 2nd year courses... not to mention... some of the Physl courses I'll probably end up taking later will cancel out the credits I got from the Zool courses I took this year. AND the one course that I need that I am taking this year is the one that I am failing at currently... and that is ofcourse, Biochemistry. Hopefully, the courses that I need are going to be offered for spring/summer cause then I can at least catch up a year and only be behind one full year of school instead of two. But what a waste to an entire school year, sigh...

Anyways, fall semester is coming to a close... exams to study for... I should be fine in all my finals... the only one I'm scared to death about is biochemistry. I've already failed the two midterms... so hopefully I do well... but I don't even know where to start or what to know... but hopefully, hopefully I pass the course.
Can't even think about Christmas shopping yet... and since UofA has switched to a UofC schedule for whatever stupid reasons they had... I now finish school 1-2 weeks later than usual, which means I have even less time to do Christmas shopping... sighs... but I sure can't wait to go back home next weekend. Get out of this stressed environment, and try to figure out my life... once again... and hopefully fix it for the better this time round.

Anyways, guess that's all.

Cram Time

Well, it's that time of the semester again. Two weeks of too much to do and not enough time to do it in, with the holidays looming in the horizon making it that much harder to focus... not that I've had any focus whatsoever this semester. But yeah, I wrote my Bio 201 third midterm (also final exam) today, and wow, that was a lot harder than I thought it would be... but hopefully I did well, or... at least passed. :) But yeah, didn't study too much on Bio, cause I had my Zool 224 Lab Final Exam today, and wow... 3 hours worth of identifying fish, reptiles, birds and mammals by their order and common names, and so much more stuff, it's crazy. But I think I did pretty good. Not 100% for sure, probably not even 75%... but I'm sure I passed, which is good, cause that lab was brutal for me. I think I even got all three bird calls identified properly, so that's pretty awesome. But for the next week or so, it's going to be study, study, study. And I mean it. I need to do well in all my final exams... well... maybe just Biochemistry. But yeah... that's the last exam for me, so hopefully with all that time, I can finally learn and understand biochem enough to get a decent enough mark to help me pass the course.

But yeah, I guess that's all I have to update for now... oh... and I guess I'll stick with University life for the time being... in the end, it seemed like that was where I was meant to be. So far, I still don't quite know what I'm to become... but I guess that if I stick it out where God put me and actually put in 100% of my effort, then I would end up where he would want me to be. I can't keep expecting to be brought somewhere without actually doing anything for it... but yeah, I got the new Jeremy Camp - Restored cd and the Mercy Me - Undone about... two weeks ago. They're both really good cds.

Hmmm... oh yeah, and I'm sick right now, which sucks. It really sucked trying to write two exams today with a sore throat and a runny nose, cause man that is so irritating... I mean, I couldn't blow my nose or anything, and it was so annoying... probably to everybody else around me to... always having to hear me sniff and everything... but yeah... hopefully I will get better by next monday... my first final...

okay, that's all for now. I think this is like my first post that wasn't EXTREMELY long and this one actually just has a bunch of me talking nonsense... nothing serious, or nothing concrete... not even a structure to it... sighz...

Screwed Up

Well... guess the first time wasn't a fluke... I am an idiot, cause I failed yet another biochem midterm. I'm so screwed... and there's no excuses either. I screwed this up myself... I screwed up my entire semester, and I don't know what to do... I mean, I guess there are 3 options for this, as far as I can tell...

1) I can just forget about these two midterms and work my butt off and hopefully ace the 50% final... which would help me just barely scrape by in biochem...
or
2) I can talk to Dr. Lemaire and Dr. MacMillan and ask if it's possible for me to have a 100% final... it's do or die... but I'm already in a do or die situation. But if they do permit me to do that, then I at least have a better chance of getting a better mark...

Problem with these 2 is... even if I do somehow pass biochem... and go on with my schedule for this year... I still don't know what my ultimate goal is at University?? what am I aiming for? what is my PURPOSE?? what am I doing here? am I just wasting my life away at something I'm not meant to be doing? I clearly have no motivation here at all and I clearly have no objective here...

So... the third option would be to...
3) Drop out of university all together and pursure a different path. I mean, if university has been teaching me anything... it's that I don't belong here. 2 and a half years, and I'm still screwing up so badly... however, if I do drop out... what would I do? where would I go? Should I pursure a career as a paramedic? which would mean I would move back to Calgary and probably go to SAIT... or what? what else is there for me? what can I do? can I even become a paramedic?? sigh... so many questions... so little answers...

I guess the ultimate questions would be... what am I MEANT to do? who am I MEANT to be? Is everything happening here a sign from God that I shouldn't be here? and if so, then why was I meant to come up to Edmonton? or did I read that wrong as well?? ARGH!! life sucks... but I will prevail, for God is by my side. I just need to realize which direction He is pointing me towards, and to follow, which I guess has always been the hardest thing to do...

oh... and I guess for those of you who actually read my blogs... My dad is doing alright now, he's out of the hospital and is resting at home. Thanks for all your prayers. May God continue to Bless you all.

the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Well, the long weekend is over now... and like the title suggests, there were good, bad and ugly things over that period.

The Good:
I got to hang out with a lot of friends (new and old) and had an awesome time over the weekend. Saw some HS friends on thursday and met some new ppl as well, ended up eating quite a lot that day, hehe, but we did watch the Incredibles and that was a pretty good movie. We had a pretty awesome time on Saturday as, surprise surprise, Philip organized his first ever event, hehe. :) Everybody seemed to have a really great time during and after dinner at Chianti's, where we ended up having a sorta-arcade like atmosphere at my house. We had the PS2 Karaoke Revolutions 3 (with duets and knockouts) being the most popular item, but we also had another PS2 hooked up to some DDR pads and even to that new drum thingy. We also had a couple ppl playing poker and card games and such, and overall it was just a really fun, loose and relaxing night. Which was great, cause most of the ppl there had spent their time before dinner studying and working on school work. BUT probably the most surprising thing over this long weekend was that I actually got some school work done over that time. :) hehe. Now, if only I would get more done on a regular basis while I'm up here in Edmonton, that would be awesome... if only...

The Bad:
As with all long weekends, or with anytime I find myself back in Calgary during school time, I'm more sleep deprived then ever. hehe. Whoever said that long weekends are meant for recuperation and rest was way off the mark, cause I never get enough rest. And I seem to always use more money then I usually do over that time as well. Though most of it was worth it, good food, good movies, good... well, mostly food, hehe. Oh, and I sure can't sing and boy is my reaction time really slow as proven by DDR, hehe.

The Ugly:
Unfortunately, not everything was nice and peachy over this long weekend as my dad ended up going into the hospital. However, it is still unknown what the true cause of his pain is, but hopefully all will be well. And hopefully my mom will be alright and not stressed over this as well, now that both me and my sister are living away from home and my dad in the hospital... but yeah, God is in control and all will work out according to His will.

Falling Back

It's sad how I got an extra hour of sleep because of daylight savings time... and yet I was still so tired this morning. I wonder why... why can't I ever feel awake in the morning? sigh... anyways... on the topic of falling back... I've fallen back into my bad habits of my first year of University and it's going to take a LOT of work to get back on track. First on the list is to get my sleeping habit back on track again... and then it's work work work to get myself back on track in my classes. Going to be tough, but it needs to be done.

I actually forced myself up early on a saturday yesterday, and went out to study... however, I ended up coming back home by noon and taking a 2 hour nap before heading back out again. :) I got at least 4-5 hours of... err... kinda studying done. Found that it is REALLY hard to focus... hehe, especially since I borrowed Mercy Me "Undone" from Jen on friday... so yeah... listened to that cd at least 10 times yesterday. It's a good cd, really good, better than I thought it was. I think I shall go and buy it someday... probably when the new Jeremy Camp cd comes out as well.

Have to do this group research project on the history of whales and their evolution from terrestrial to aquatic... can't say it's going to be my favorite subject... but man... Zoology 224 really sucks. All of us in my group hates it, and basically everybody else... it's so hard and it's such useless information (unless we were to go into like paleontology or something...) but yeah... I wonder why this is a pre-requisite for a physiology degree?? I would have figured it would be anatomy classes, which I think I would enjoy a lot better than zoology. But yeah, should check up on that someday. maybe I'm in the wrong classes... which would suck, cause then I would be an additional year behind in uni again... sigh... at this rate I'm going to be a professional student for the rest of my life.

But yeah, been thinking about what occupation I would end up going into eventually again... and I don't know... sometimes I think I'm just afraid to accept or to actually search and pray for an answer... but random thoughts... I thought about being a teacher again... though it came out as a high school teacher of biology... I always figured I would do elementary... but maybe I'm better suited for High School?? if so... then I did waste a few years of school, cause I could have easily done the 5 year joint science/education program... but whatever... hmmm, paramedic came up again, and it seems to be the most prominent thought for a job... but I don't think I can handle that, too much blood and stress... too quick of a job... don't think I can think that quickly or handle situations with that great of a responsibility that quickly. I mean, can you imagine always being in control of somebody's life when u're on the job everyday? Take an extra second to think things over and it could mean life or death?? so I don't know... and ofcourse, the necessary strange and totally impossible job thought... being on a band... though, if that did come true. I'd have to learn how to sing and play guitar. haha... anyways... yeah, that's a definate no. :) Hmmm... kinda wrote a lot didn't I?? okay, that's all for now. :) Wonder if anybody even reads these?? or... one that's this long, haha... must be somebody who has a LOT of time and nothing else to do... :) so that person must be... YOU!!

Starting Up

Hmmm... I don't know how this blog thing works... but I'm guessing and hoping that this will be better than me cutting and pasting my thoughts from one page to the other all the time.

So yeah... nothing much going on. It's apparently midterm week at the UofA this week... and surprisingly... I have no midterms this week. So yeah, guess I'll just spend the week catching up in my classes. I need to start cracking in school, cause I'm seriously far behind in all my classes.

But I did start working out last week with Tommy, and I realized that I hadn't stepped into a work out gym since grade 10, yup, that was 4-5 years ago, kinda sad eh?? So surprise surprise... I worked out on what was it... Monday evening... and I was sore till the end of Thursday... kinda pathetic, but hopefully over time I'll get stronger and my body will get used to actually doing work. haha

Hmm, what else... hallway hockey is picking up, hehe... but we seem to be scuffing up the walls a bit. :) yup, I guess that's all for now