Well... guess the first time wasn't a fluke... I am an idiot, cause I failed yet another biochem midterm. I'm so screwed... and there's no excuses either. I screwed this up myself... I screwed up my entire semester, and I don't know what to do... I mean, I guess there are 3 options for this, as far as I can tell...
1) I can just forget about these two midterms and work my butt off and hopefully ace the 50% final... which would help me just barely scrape by in biochem...
or
2) I can talk to Dr. Lemaire and Dr. MacMillan and ask if it's possible for me to have a 100% final... it's do or die... but I'm already in a do or die situation. But if they do permit me to do that, then I at least have a better chance of getting a better mark...
Problem with these 2 is... even if I do somehow pass biochem... and go on with my schedule for this year... I still don't know what my ultimate goal is at University?? what am I aiming for? what is my PURPOSE?? what am I doing here? am I just wasting my life away at something I'm not meant to be doing? I clearly have no motivation here at all and I clearly have no objective here...
So... the third option would be to...
3) Drop out of university all together and pursure a different path. I mean, if university has been teaching me anything... it's that I don't belong here. 2 and a half years, and I'm still screwing up so badly... however, if I do drop out... what would I do? where would I go? Should I pursure a career as a paramedic? which would mean I would move back to Calgary and probably go to SAIT... or what? what else is there for me? what can I do? can I even become a paramedic?? sigh... so many questions... so little answers...
I guess the ultimate questions would be... what am I MEANT to do? who am I MEANT to be? Is everything happening here a sign from God that I shouldn't be here? and if so, then why was I meant to come up to Edmonton? or did I read that wrong as well?? ARGH!! life sucks... but I will prevail, for God is by my side. I just need to realize which direction He is pointing me towards, and to follow, which I guess has always been the hardest thing to do...
oh... and I guess for those of you who actually read my blogs... My dad is doing alright now, he's out of the hospital and is resting at home. Thanks for all your prayers. May God continue to Bless you all.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Sunday, November 14, 2004
the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Well, the long weekend is over now... and like the title suggests, there were good, bad and ugly things over that period.
The Good:
I got to hang out with a lot of friends (new and old) and had an awesome time over the weekend. Saw some HS friends on thursday and met some new ppl as well, ended up eating quite a lot that day, hehe, but we did watch the Incredibles and that was a pretty good movie. We had a pretty awesome time on Saturday as, surprise surprise, Philip organized his first ever event, hehe. :) Everybody seemed to have a really great time during and after dinner at Chianti's, where we ended up having a sorta-arcade like atmosphere at my house. We had the PS2 Karaoke Revolutions 3 (with duets and knockouts) being the most popular item, but we also had another PS2 hooked up to some DDR pads and even to that new drum thingy. We also had a couple ppl playing poker and card games and such, and overall it was just a really fun, loose and relaxing night. Which was great, cause most of the ppl there had spent their time before dinner studying and working on school work. BUT probably the most surprising thing over this long weekend was that I actually got some school work done over that time. :) hehe. Now, if only I would get more done on a regular basis while I'm up here in Edmonton, that would be awesome... if only...
The Bad:
As with all long weekends, or with anytime I find myself back in Calgary during school time, I'm more sleep deprived then ever. hehe. Whoever said that long weekends are meant for recuperation and rest was way off the mark, cause I never get enough rest. And I seem to always use more money then I usually do over that time as well. Though most of it was worth it, good food, good movies, good... well, mostly food, hehe. Oh, and I sure can't sing and boy is my reaction time really slow as proven by DDR, hehe.
The Ugly:
Unfortunately, not everything was nice and peachy over this long weekend as my dad ended up going into the hospital. However, it is still unknown what the true cause of his pain is, but hopefully all will be well. And hopefully my mom will be alright and not stressed over this as well, now that both me and my sister are living away from home and my dad in the hospital... but yeah, God is in control and all will work out according to His will.
The Good:
I got to hang out with a lot of friends (new and old) and had an awesome time over the weekend. Saw some HS friends on thursday and met some new ppl as well, ended up eating quite a lot that day, hehe, but we did watch the Incredibles and that was a pretty good movie. We had a pretty awesome time on Saturday as, surprise surprise, Philip organized his first ever event, hehe. :) Everybody seemed to have a really great time during and after dinner at Chianti's, where we ended up having a sorta-arcade like atmosphere at my house. We had the PS2 Karaoke Revolutions 3 (with duets and knockouts) being the most popular item, but we also had another PS2 hooked up to some DDR pads and even to that new drum thingy. We also had a couple ppl playing poker and card games and such, and overall it was just a really fun, loose and relaxing night. Which was great, cause most of the ppl there had spent their time before dinner studying and working on school work. BUT probably the most surprising thing over this long weekend was that I actually got some school work done over that time. :) hehe. Now, if only I would get more done on a regular basis while I'm up here in Edmonton, that would be awesome... if only...
The Bad:
As with all long weekends, or with anytime I find myself back in Calgary during school time, I'm more sleep deprived then ever. hehe. Whoever said that long weekends are meant for recuperation and rest was way off the mark, cause I never get enough rest. And I seem to always use more money then I usually do over that time as well. Though most of it was worth it, good food, good movies, good... well, mostly food, hehe. Oh, and I sure can't sing and boy is my reaction time really slow as proven by DDR, hehe.
The Ugly:
Unfortunately, not everything was nice and peachy over this long weekend as my dad ended up going into the hospital. However, it is still unknown what the true cause of his pain is, but hopefully all will be well. And hopefully my mom will be alright and not stressed over this as well, now that both me and my sister are living away from home and my dad in the hospital... but yeah, God is in control and all will work out according to His will.