3 - I have sharpened my skates 3 times this year (since September) and all 3 times have been FREE! hahaha. Sweet deal eh? First time, it was because I waited 5-10 minutes for someone to sharpen my skates. Second time, I applied for the Sport Swap "Score More Card" and they tossed in a free sharpeneing. And today, because they were having difficulties helping the customer ahead of me at the cashier, they let me go for free because it was taking too long to resolve! :P
2 - I received confirmation today by my optometrist that the contacts are a go for my 2 eyes. There has been no problems thus far and everything looked great. So, it is contacts from here on in... except for those days that I'm too lazy to poke myself in the eyes. :P
1 - My 1 day of Operating Room Practicum was scheduled for tomorrow but because they are not doing any surgeries that require my services (which would be to simply provide oxygen via a Bag-Valve Mask and inserting an Oropharayngeal Airway) I am not required to go in. Which means... I now need to reschedule my 1 day of OR Practicum another day. Good and bad there... I don't need to drive to High River under the weather conditions that have sprung up in Calgary all of a sudden, but I really wanted to get this out of the way. Sigh, oh well, another day.
Now that the countdown is done. BLAST OFF to go practice some more bass and then get back to interpretating some good ol' ECG readings!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Up, Up... and Awake!?!
Sigh... can't sleep. 3:38am. Wide awake. But tired... Listening to Switchfoot: 4:12. Almost there. Thinking too much. This quote came to mind again.
“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. There was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”
- Alfred D. Souza
It seems I keep sitting around and just waiting for something to happen. For things to 'fall into place' as it were. Why am I so lazy? Why am I so apathetic? Why is it so hard to STOP being so lazy... so apathetic?
I wish I was the type of person that reached out and grabbed something... anything by the horns instead of being who I am... which is the type of person that really sits there with his hands open until something falls into it before I grab it. Sigh. Not to mention... my reflexes suck! So... when the opportunity does land... I usually don't notice till it's long gone.
Doubts are back. Doubts about paramedics. I think it's because my Operating Room Practicum is on Thursday. Or the fact that I dropped the ball during class last time when I chose not to do a live IV start. Or the fact that I still don't seem to be thinking of this 'schooling' as my career. I keep thinking of it like I thought of HS or JH or even University. Go through school... pass exams... graduate... get a job then life will start. That's when you start to really work. Well... I wanted something more practical for schooling and I got it... and I'm still thinking the same way. Bad Habits are hard to break.
Contacts... cooler safety goggles. That doesn't make you a paramedic. Your mental state and preparation does. And I'm not ready. I'm scared. Choosing which paramedic program for next year has gotten me to think... do I want to be a paramedic? Or stay as an EMT? As an EMT for the city... I'll usually be paired up with a paramedic... so my job duties will be mostly... Spinal Immobilization, Bag-Valve Mask, Packaging, Driving. Those things I can do... cause the patients life will for the most part be in my partners hands... not mine.
My biggest fear. Is not bugs. It's failure.
Unfortunately... I'm the type of guy that's afraid of failure and doesn't try... that way I can't fail.
I'd rather be the type of guy that's afraid of failure and tries... tries so hard to be perfect to stay away from failure.
Oh Lord: Break these chains! Set this captive free!
“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. There was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”
- Alfred D. Souza
It seems I keep sitting around and just waiting for something to happen. For things to 'fall into place' as it were. Why am I so lazy? Why am I so apathetic? Why is it so hard to STOP being so lazy... so apathetic?
I wish I was the type of person that reached out and grabbed something... anything by the horns instead of being who I am... which is the type of person that really sits there with his hands open until something falls into it before I grab it. Sigh. Not to mention... my reflexes suck! So... when the opportunity does land... I usually don't notice till it's long gone.
Doubts are back. Doubts about paramedics. I think it's because my Operating Room Practicum is on Thursday. Or the fact that I dropped the ball during class last time when I chose not to do a live IV start. Or the fact that I still don't seem to be thinking of this 'schooling' as my career. I keep thinking of it like I thought of HS or JH or even University. Go through school... pass exams... graduate... get a job then life will start. That's when you start to really work. Well... I wanted something more practical for schooling and I got it... and I'm still thinking the same way. Bad Habits are hard to break.
Contacts... cooler safety goggles. That doesn't make you a paramedic. Your mental state and preparation does. And I'm not ready. I'm scared. Choosing which paramedic program for next year has gotten me to think... do I want to be a paramedic? Or stay as an EMT? As an EMT for the city... I'll usually be paired up with a paramedic... so my job duties will be mostly... Spinal Immobilization, Bag-Valve Mask, Packaging, Driving. Those things I can do... cause the patients life will for the most part be in my partners hands... not mine.
My biggest fear. Is not bugs. It's failure.
Unfortunately... I'm the type of guy that's afraid of failure and doesn't try... that way I can't fail.
I'd rather be the type of guy that's afraid of failure and tries... tries so hard to be perfect to stay away from failure.
Oh Lord: Break these chains! Set this captive free!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Blurry
Boy, it's quite... interesting learning how to wear contacts for the first time. It took me forever just trying to get my contacts on, lol. I think it's because my eyes are too small. :P Took me probably more than half-an-hour the first time trying to put my contacts on. Then it only took me one and four tries respectively per eye the second time. And then it it only took me one try for both eyes the last try. YES! However, taking them out is still difficult. Sigh. Also, because these are 'trial' contacts... they arn't my exact prescription... so things are a bit blurry at a distance and I don't think they have any corrections for my stigmitism so it's kinda funky. However... they are in and they work. I look strange... but hopefully I'll get used to it. You guys should be used to me looking strange already. :P Now, time to see how long I can wear contacts for in a day. So far... almost 2 hours and I'm still fine. :P Lets multiply that by at least 6 and I'll be extremely pleased!
If they do work out... I might look into Oakley Safety Goggles, lol. Cause I find these 'cool' safety goggles (as Tanya calls them) to be a bit on the 'chunky' side. :P Perhaps not Oakleys as those are expensive... but something a bit more stylish. Uvex has some nice ones. :P
Oh, and I keep trying to adjust my non-existent glasses because it is a bit blurry and because of habit. So if you guys see me reach for my eyes for some strange reason or push on the bridge of my nose or something, that's why. :P
If they do work out... I might look into Oakley Safety Goggles, lol. Cause I find these 'cool' safety goggles (as Tanya calls them) to be a bit on the 'chunky' side. :P Perhaps not Oakleys as those are expensive... but something a bit more stylish. Uvex has some nice ones. :P
Oh, and I keep trying to adjust my non-existent glasses because it is a bit blurry and because of habit. So if you guys see me reach for my eyes for some strange reason or push on the bridge of my nose or something, that's why. :P
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Rejuvenated
No... not so much mentally or physcially... or even spiritually unfortunately. But more so... blogging wise, lol. With the youth entering the blogging world, it has added a new element and I guess excitement back to the blogging world. Makes me want to blog more too!
Anyways... I booked my appointment for contacts next week. So... I most likely will be glassesless starting next Wednesday. Wonder how I'll look, lol. Well, either way, I still hope that contacts works out for me and that I can wear them for long durations at a time. Even if I don't look good... I can at least wear it for school and work and not look so horrible with my UGLY safety glasses. :P My classmates say I look like I'm going to go scuba-diving with them on, lol. And my teachers all gave me a strange double-take when I first wore them, lol. So... contacts, PLEASE WORK!!
Also... my mom made me apply for a job, lol. It's a terrible job and one I don't want cause it's telephone research. And really... who wants to be one of those jerks that calls you during dinner time to ask you questions related to the health profession? Sheesh, lol. BUT... it's casual and in the medical field. Hopefully they are flexible, cause I need to be able to work it around my practicums (which I don't have a full schedule for yet). Pay is... decent I guess and extra cash will always come in handy especially if I keep playing hockey every week, lol. Need money! Oh, and eating out every weekend is sucking me dry. :P
Listening to the new Jars of Clay and new Switchfoot... cause I commented on Jen Bongs blog and then realized that I didn't know much about both cds, lol. So far... Switchfoot is better then when I first checked it out at CP last week but I still havn't warmed up to it quite yet. Jars of Clay has been really good but it took a couple listens but still not as good as Skillets. :P
Anyways... I booked my appointment for contacts next week. So... I most likely will be glassesless starting next Wednesday. Wonder how I'll look, lol. Well, either way, I still hope that contacts works out for me and that I can wear them for long durations at a time. Even if I don't look good... I can at least wear it for school and work and not look so horrible with my UGLY safety glasses. :P My classmates say I look like I'm going to go scuba-diving with them on, lol. And my teachers all gave me a strange double-take when I first wore them, lol. So... contacts, PLEASE WORK!!
Also... my mom made me apply for a job, lol. It's a terrible job and one I don't want cause it's telephone research. And really... who wants to be one of those jerks that calls you during dinner time to ask you questions related to the health profession? Sheesh, lol. BUT... it's casual and in the medical field. Hopefully they are flexible, cause I need to be able to work it around my practicums (which I don't have a full schedule for yet). Pay is... decent I guess and extra cash will always come in handy especially if I keep playing hockey every week, lol. Need money! Oh, and eating out every weekend is sucking me dry. :P
Listening to the new Jars of Clay and new Switchfoot... cause I commented on Jen Bongs blog and then realized that I didn't know much about both cds, lol. So far... Switchfoot is better then when I first checked it out at CP last week but I still havn't warmed up to it quite yet. Jars of Clay has been really good but it took a couple listens but still not as good as Skillets. :P
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Fatigued...
Decided to work on one of my 'resolutions' for this year and actually work out today. It's been such a long time since I last worked out and my muscles just can't take it anymore, lol. Usually I feel alright when working out and feel sore afterwards, but now it's like the opposite. I don't feel sore at all right now... but when I try to lift again... my muscles just give out, sigh. It's a good thing I bought my own weights, cause it would be embarassing to work out at SAIT in the condition I'm in right now, lol. So, I'll work on getting my muscles toned-up again to get over this muscle fatigue stage and then hit the SAIT gym later this month or starting in February (after all the other people who are hitting the gym because of New Year Resolutions finally give up). That way it won't be AS embarassing (I'm still a weakling though, lol) but yeah... should still hit up the gym later because I can't hit all my muscle groups with what I have at home.
Otherwise... been playing some bass as well. Don't quite know what to do with it anymore. In the sense that I don't know what I can do to improve from where I am currently. I'm thinking I'll go over some of my old piano theory books and maybe practice that way to further establish where everything is on the fret board and to get my knowledge of theory back up to par. That way I can MAYBE transpose again, lol.
And it seems everyone is quitting Junior Church... and I'm leaning on not returning after this year either. Nothing wrong with Junior Church or anything... but I seem to be double-booked all the time on Sunday now. And at this point... I think I prefer to do sound and usher than to teach. Guess we'll see how things turn out after this year.
Oh, and Andrew and Jacklyn got me Need For Speed: Most Wanted for the DS. I got it on Sunday. I'm already done the game. Unlocked all the cars. Suped them all up. :P Finished Final Fantasy 3. Finished everything in Bomberman. Opened everything in Brain Age. Unlocked and Finished everything in Mario Kart. Guess it's time to go back to the Game Cube, lol.
And... probably going to schedule an appointment for contacts stuff next week. Lets hope contacts works out for me. Cause I REALLY REALLY detest (not hate) but detest, hehe, my current safety goggles that I have to wear for Paramedics. And honestly... I bought 2 pairs of safety goggles online that havn't been worn becuase of the stupid inserts not working out!! So yeah... lets hope it works out!!
Otherwise... been playing some bass as well. Don't quite know what to do with it anymore. In the sense that I don't know what I can do to improve from where I am currently. I'm thinking I'll go over some of my old piano theory books and maybe practice that way to further establish where everything is on the fret board and to get my knowledge of theory back up to par. That way I can MAYBE transpose again, lol.
And it seems everyone is quitting Junior Church... and I'm leaning on not returning after this year either. Nothing wrong with Junior Church or anything... but I seem to be double-booked all the time on Sunday now. And at this point... I think I prefer to do sound and usher than to teach. Guess we'll see how things turn out after this year.
Oh, and Andrew and Jacklyn got me Need For Speed: Most Wanted for the DS. I got it on Sunday. I'm already done the game. Unlocked all the cars. Suped them all up. :P Finished Final Fantasy 3. Finished everything in Bomberman. Opened everything in Brain Age. Unlocked and Finished everything in Mario Kart. Guess it's time to go back to the Game Cube, lol.
And... probably going to schedule an appointment for contacts stuff next week. Lets hope contacts works out for me. Cause I REALLY REALLY detest (not hate) but detest, hehe, my current safety goggles that I have to wear for Paramedics. And honestly... I bought 2 pairs of safety goggles online that havn't been worn becuase of the stupid inserts not working out!! So yeah... lets hope it works out!!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Final Fantasy 3
FINALLY COMPLETED!! My game file states that I logged 36:27:59 in playing time to complete the game. However, there probably was a couple hours lost from dying and having to go back a couple hours to my save point. So, it was approximately 40 hours. Which was what Philip predicted it to be when he gave me the game. For my first Final Fantasy game ever, it was great. Highly addicting, great game. Don't know how often I'll play it again, but really... 40 hours spent on it already, lol. I probably will play it again... at a later time. Not only because it was such a great game but also because this Final Fantasy game has the option of choosing jobs for each character. And since I only used certain ones... next time I'll try different jobs out and see how that works out. First time around... My favorite combination was Geomancer, Ninja, Sage and Summoner (Enjoyed using Knight as well - which I actually used in place of the Geomancer for the final dungeon and last 4 bosses and final final boss - problem with this combo is that Ninja, Sage and Summoner are in the last group of jobs opened for use, so you can't use them until near the end of the game).
I looked up the Final Fantasy game for the GameCube, but it wasn't rated very high. IGN Review, Press Review or Reader Review. Seems it's a decent Final Fantasy game for single play, but is built more around playing it as a multiplayer. Well... I don't think I'll be purchasing it and asking people to come play with me all the time, what a hassle!! :P
Okay, time for bed. :P
I looked up the Final Fantasy game for the GameCube, but it wasn't rated very high. IGN Review, Press Review or Reader Review. Seems it's a decent Final Fantasy game for single play, but is built more around playing it as a multiplayer. Well... I don't think I'll be purchasing it and asking people to come play with me all the time, what a hassle!! :P
Okay, time for bed. :P
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
New Year
New Year Resolutions?? I don't think I really came up with any specifically... but I know what I WANT this year.
1) Change my mindset. I really need to get into a proper mindset for paramedics. I need to get away from this Monday-Friday, 8-5 mentality. Also, I need to find a way to get past my irrational fear of needles and sharp objects... especially when they are in my hands. Ever since I stabbed myself in my thumb... I get so freaked out when holding anything sharp... but I need to get past it becuase I need to do IVs. And before you all freak out, I CAN DO IVs PROPERLY. Just when it comes to doing live starts (on an actual person) I start to overthink everything and get really scared and I even avoided doing a live-start during a scenario and my instructor was not happy... and neither was I. I was so disappointed by myself and my confidence level just crashed when I turned down that live-start... and I REALLY need to get past this mindset. Sometimes, I NEED to cause pain to others in order to help them. I CAN, and I WILL do this.
2) Work Out. One of my friends in class weighs about 200lbs and just trying to move him around on a stretcher was difficult. I could do it, but it was not as smooth as it could have been. So, I need to get stronger. I need to get fitter. Going with resolution number 1: I will be going to school to use the gym this semester, but because it's usually busy during the day, I will go during the night. So, getting past this 8-5 mindset, I'll start doing things I normally wouldn't do during the evening (like go to the gym or go to school for studying or tutoring).
3) Play Bass by Camp. Really starting to lean towards taking lessons. If anybody knows someplace good and not expensive... let me know. Or if somebody knows someone who can teach more towards playing Bass for Worship, let me know. lol... I think this was one of my resolutions last year as well. :P Sure didn't work out. Maybe this year. :P
Some other things I've been thinking about include... After I graduate from EMT. I have 3 choices.
1) Work for a year or so (probably with the City as a Basic Life Support Provider).
2) Take the paramedic program through SAITs day program (5 days a week, 8 hours a day) which starts in September (which makes it a lot more difficult to get into considering interviews for that program start NOW and I do not have the proper prerequisites yet as I'm in the EMT course still).
3) Take the paramedic program through SAITs outreach program (1 week on, 1 week off) which starts next January (but is not government funded so is double the tuition of the day program). I'm leaning towards this one right now.
Another thing: I want to get contacts. I'm so used to glasses and I don't mind them. But the safety goggles that I have currently that go over my glasses are UGLY! And the fact that glasses as a paramedic can become somewhat of a hindrance. So, I'm going to test out contacts. See how they work out for me. I know that my eyes are dry and that I probably can't wear them an entire day... but if they work enough for me to wear for a shift... then they'll be worth it.
1) Change my mindset. I really need to get into a proper mindset for paramedics. I need to get away from this Monday-Friday, 8-5 mentality. Also, I need to find a way to get past my irrational fear of needles and sharp objects... especially when they are in my hands. Ever since I stabbed myself in my thumb... I get so freaked out when holding anything sharp... but I need to get past it becuase I need to do IVs. And before you all freak out, I CAN DO IVs PROPERLY. Just when it comes to doing live starts (on an actual person) I start to overthink everything and get really scared and I even avoided doing a live-start during a scenario and my instructor was not happy... and neither was I. I was so disappointed by myself and my confidence level just crashed when I turned down that live-start... and I REALLY need to get past this mindset. Sometimes, I NEED to cause pain to others in order to help them. I CAN, and I WILL do this.
2) Work Out. One of my friends in class weighs about 200lbs and just trying to move him around on a stretcher was difficult. I could do it, but it was not as smooth as it could have been. So, I need to get stronger. I need to get fitter. Going with resolution number 1: I will be going to school to use the gym this semester, but because it's usually busy during the day, I will go during the night. So, getting past this 8-5 mindset, I'll start doing things I normally wouldn't do during the evening (like go to the gym or go to school for studying or tutoring).
3) Play Bass by Camp. Really starting to lean towards taking lessons. If anybody knows someplace good and not expensive... let me know. Or if somebody knows someone who can teach more towards playing Bass for Worship, let me know. lol... I think this was one of my resolutions last year as well. :P Sure didn't work out. Maybe this year. :P
Some other things I've been thinking about include... After I graduate from EMT. I have 3 choices.
1) Work for a year or so (probably with the City as a Basic Life Support Provider).
2) Take the paramedic program through SAITs day program (5 days a week, 8 hours a day) which starts in September (which makes it a lot more difficult to get into considering interviews for that program start NOW and I do not have the proper prerequisites yet as I'm in the EMT course still).
3) Take the paramedic program through SAITs outreach program (1 week on, 1 week off) which starts next January (but is not government funded so is double the tuition of the day program). I'm leaning towards this one right now.
Another thing: I want to get contacts. I'm so used to glasses and I don't mind them. But the safety goggles that I have currently that go over my glasses are UGLY! And the fact that glasses as a paramedic can become somewhat of a hindrance. So, I'm going to test out contacts. See how they work out for me. I know that my eyes are dry and that I probably can't wear them an entire day... but if they work enough for me to wear for a shift... then they'll be worth it.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Results from HK
Shopping:
- Clothes: A bunch (2 Zip-ups, 2 t-shirts, 1 collared t, 2 sweatshirts)
- Souvenir: Sword (only $30 - so cheap)
- Electronics: None... don't think I ever even saw a DS over there... so no Supercard.
Illness:
- Stomach Flu (myself, dad, sister, 1 cousin, 1 aunt, 1 uncle)
Events:
- Christmas Eve
- Uncles Wedding
- Mom's Birthday
- Sidetrip to Malaysia (bought absolutely nothing... oh well... nothing was worth buying)
- New Years
- Sister's Birthday
Accomplishments:
- 6.5 Modules out of 9. (meaning... I'll be studying tomorrow after church)
- Opened all characters for mini-games in Bomberman for DS.
- Almost finished Final Fantasy 3... but there are no save points in the very end chapter... so I died fighting the boss and have to do it all over again. Sigh.
- Applied for and got my Hong Kong Citizenship Card
- Applied for and got some card that allows entry into China for the next 10 years without a VISA
- Clothes: A bunch (2 Zip-ups, 2 t-shirts, 1 collared t, 2 sweatshirts)
- Souvenir: Sword (only $30 - so cheap)
- Electronics: None... don't think I ever even saw a DS over there... so no Supercard.
Illness:
- Stomach Flu (myself, dad, sister, 1 cousin, 1 aunt, 1 uncle)
Events:
- Christmas Eve
- Uncles Wedding
- Mom's Birthday
- Sidetrip to Malaysia (bought absolutely nothing... oh well... nothing was worth buying)
- New Years
- Sister's Birthday
Accomplishments:
- 6.5 Modules out of 9. (meaning... I'll be studying tomorrow after church)
- Opened all characters for mini-games in Bomberman for DS.
- Almost finished Final Fantasy 3... but there are no save points in the very end chapter... so I died fighting the boss and have to do it all over again. Sigh.
- Applied for and got my Hong Kong Citizenship Card
- Applied for and got some card that allows entry into China for the next 10 years without a VISA
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
I Hate Hong Kong!!
Just as I was starting to like HK... I get food poisoning! So... I tossed and turned all night last night, got about 2 hours of sleep. Went to the washroom to take a dump about 6-7 times. My body decided it would try something new in the morning... so I end up barfing. All on my mom's birthday. All on my uncles wedding day. Ended up getting worse by the afternoon, so I went to the doctors and he prescribed some pills. Took them... and barfed again! Started feeling somewhat better after the 2nd one... but went home anyways to take a nap. Now I have a fever! And I have to go take the taxi by myself to the banquet... eeep... hope I don't get lost. Hope I don't barf again. Hope I don't get worse. Off to Malaysia tomorrow. Sigh. What a vacation! I HATE HONG KONG!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Off to HK and Malaysia
Well... I'm off to HK and Malaysia tomorrow morning. So, say goodbye to everyone, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! And hello WARM weather! Warm enough for shorts apparently in Malaysia. :P
So glad I ended up purchasing that Nintendo DS, lol. Going to come in REAL handy tomorrow at the airport and the oh so long plane ride. :P I made myself stop playing Final Fantasy 3 a couple days ago... so that I would have more time to play it on the trip. :P And Bomberman will always be fun to play no matter what. So thanks Philip for the games. :P And thanks Jenny for letting me buy Brain Age off of ya... those Sudoku puzzles will come in handy as well, lol!
And when the DS runs out of batteries... I'll have my discman to occupy time. :P And... I'll be bringing 2 textbooks and 9 modules... and I will be studying on the trip. Cause I have to be done those 9 modules by Jan. 8th... and I'll be back in Calgary on the 6th... which means... Jet Lag during class, lol. Great! :P
Later all... and again. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! (Please don't trash my house while I'm away... I cleaned up the basement and my room today and I expect it to be just as clean or better when I'm back. :P)
So glad I ended up purchasing that Nintendo DS, lol. Going to come in REAL handy tomorrow at the airport and the oh so long plane ride. :P I made myself stop playing Final Fantasy 3 a couple days ago... so that I would have more time to play it on the trip. :P And Bomberman will always be fun to play no matter what. So thanks Philip for the games. :P And thanks Jenny for letting me buy Brain Age off of ya... those Sudoku puzzles will come in handy as well, lol!
And when the DS runs out of batteries... I'll have my discman to occupy time. :P And... I'll be bringing 2 textbooks and 9 modules... and I will be studying on the trip. Cause I have to be done those 9 modules by Jan. 8th... and I'll be back in Calgary on the 6th... which means... Jet Lag during class, lol. Great! :P
Later all... and again. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! (Please don't trash my house while I'm away... I cleaned up the basement and my room today and I expect it to be just as clean or better when I'm back. :P)
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Comedy Central
One of my all-time favorite comedy clips! Whose On First with Abbot and Costello!
Here is a shortened version of it since I know you guys don't like long videos. :P
Why I bring this up now? Because of this second video. Starring Bush and Rice!
Here is a shortened version of it since I know you guys don't like long videos. :P
Why I bring this up now? Because of this second video. Starring Bush and Rice!
Monday, November 27, 2006
D-Day OVER!!
Oh man... it's finally over... for this semester at least,
First off... it's so freaking cold out!
Also... Thank God that I was able to change my flight back from Vancouver to last Thursday. Cause the original flight I was supposed take on Sunday was cancelled and I wouldn't have made it to class today. And if THAT had happened, I would have been booted from the program! So, THANK GOD!
Otherwise... left the house at 7 this morning... got home a bit after 7. Crazy eh? Class started at 8 this morning and class didn't end till 6:30 tonight! Ack. That's 10.5 hours of school. One hour lunch in between. But otherwise... the entire day was on testing. Sheesh. Talk about nerves.
Anyways... to update: Read the BOLDED for important information; ITALICS for description of failures. Everything else is more a recap for myself.
Skills Testing:
From 1300 straight till 1800 were 11 more scenarios. I almost fell asleep. Sheesh. I had the 6th and the 12th scenarios, so I had to wait for most of mine and it drives you nuts just waiting to do your test cause you just start psyching yourself out.
Oh and 4 more exams. BTLS, Professional Practice, Anatomy and Physiology #4 and Medical Terminology Final. 2 more retests. All EQUALS: HERE I COME PRACTICUM!
First off... it's so freaking cold out!
Also... Thank God that I was able to change my flight back from Vancouver to last Thursday. Cause the original flight I was supposed take on Sunday was cancelled and I wouldn't have made it to class today. And if THAT had happened, I would have been booted from the program! So, THANK GOD!
Otherwise... left the house at 7 this morning... got home a bit after 7. Crazy eh? Class started at 8 this morning and class didn't end till 6:30 tonight! Ack. That's 10.5 hours of school. One hour lunch in between. But otherwise... the entire day was on testing. Sheesh. Talk about nerves.
Anyways... to update: Read the BOLDED for important information; ITALICS for description of failures. Everything else is more a recap for myself.
Skills Testing:
- Vital Signs: Pulse (rate, rhythm, quality), Respirations (rate, rhythm, quality), Blood Pressure, Blood Glucose Level, Oxygen Saturation, Pupils (reactivity to light and equality), Skin (Color, Condition and Temperature). To be done all within 5 minutes. PASSED
- Primary Survey: Scene Survey (hazards, BSI , bystander information, explore bystander information, MOI
, # of patients and whether or not backup was required), Patient Overview (angulated fractures, deadly bleeding, skin , patient level of distress, patient position) Primary Survey (LOC , A , B , C , Head to Toe Assessment) Transport Decision - Oxygen Station (ability to use oxygen tank appropriately, ability to know the indications and contraindications of useage, understanding of which mask to use
, understanding of oxygen flow rates for each different mask, understanding of oxygen concentrations for each different mask, ability to bag a patient adequately for over 5 minutes) PASSED - Basic Airway Management (indications for use of a oropharayngeal airway and proper placement, indications for use of nasopharyngeal airway and proper placement, proper airway patency maneuvers
- Suction Station (knowledge of proper suctioning techniques and different equipment)
PASSED - IV Station (understand the technique of setting up an Intravenous Line, aseptic technique, ability to show a good IV insertion, understand the technique and indications for setting up a saline lock instead of an IV, ability to show good saline lock preperation) FAILED Forgot the aceptic technique for saline lock - basically means I forgot to clean the injection port for getting saline. And contaminated fluids are usually not healthy for a patient. Re-test in 2 weeks. Stupid mistake. Should pass on retest easily.
- Medication Station (understand the technique, indications, contraindications and locations for IM
injections, understand the technique, indications, contraindications and locations for SQ injections, understand the technique, indications, contraindications and locations for a PO , understand the technique, indications, contraindications and locations for a SL , understand the technique, indications, contraindications and locations for a Inhalant/Nebulizer) FAILED Was unable to properly describe the locations for IM and SQ injections - basically I knew where to do it, how to landmark it, but was unable to use the proper medical terminology for describing it. Re-test in 2 weeks. Easy to learn medical terminology for locations I already understand and know. Just know the proper names from now on.
From 1300 straight till 1800 were 11 more scenarios. I almost fell asleep. Sheesh. I had the 6th and the 12th scenarios, so I had to wait for most of mine and it drives you nuts just waiting to do your test cause you just start psyching yourself out.
- Medical Scenario: Pt unconscious and unresponsive. Airway occluded, Bradypnea, Bradycardia. History showed that he had overdosed on dilaton (drugs to control seizures). Nothing much I can do within my scope of practice. Suctioned airway to clear. Inserted OPA to keep airway patent. Initiated Oxygen therapy with a BVM at 15L/min to improve perfusion. Initiated IV access with NS TKVO incase medications are required. However, no drugs are within my scope of practice to give to pts under drug overdose. So, ensured critical interventions were dealt with; proper primary survey to determine other injuries was completed; Load & Go as he was a critical pt; Proper recordings of vitals along with a proper history and understanding of both to diagnose patient properly; Rapid Transport = PASSED 97%
- Trauma Scenario: Pt unconscious and unresponsive after being hit by a motor vehicle while jogging. Airway occluded, Bradypnea with occasional Apnea, Tachycardia, Hypertension. Hematoma found on head. Bubinski Reflex had no response indicating head trauma/spinal trauma. Cleared airway through manual airway management; Inserted OPA to keep airway patent. Initiated O2 Therapy with BVM at 15L/min to improve perfusion; Initiated IV access with NS TKV incase medications were required; Spinal immoabalized patient with c-collar and spine board; Placed patient in a semi-fowlers position to decrease pressure in cranium; Rapid Transport = PASSED 89%
Oh and 4 more exams. BTLS, Professional Practice, Anatomy and Physiology #4 and Medical Terminology Final. 2 more retests. All EQUALS: HERE I COME PRACTICUM!
Saturday, November 25, 2006
D-Day
Monday, November 27th, 2006!
80% or above = pass = continue in EMT-A Program
79% or below = possible retest = booted from EMT-A Program
No longer multiple choice exams... but it's time for the practical exams! Trauma Scenario. Medical Scenario. Skill Testing. Dum Dum Dum! Probably the most nerve wrecking day of the entire semester. The day everyone stresses over. The day everyone loses sleep over. The day everyone pulls their hair out and even the toughest of guys will allow some tears to flow.
Well... figured I havn't blogged in a while and wanted to post a blog under this new beta version... so far everything seems about the same. Also... missed YAC last night cause I was exhausted from studying and practicing scenarios. I have a feeling I'll be missing church tomorrow as well to continue going over my signs and symptoms in order to better diagnose a patient properly in the field. And then Monday Morning... D-Day. 0800-1700.
Well, lets hope I PASS!! Me and my platoon is probably going out to celebrate afterwards, lol. I told them I don't drink, so we'll probably hit up a resteraunt or something instead of the bar! haha, I'm such a party pooper! Otherwise... after Monday (if I pass) it will be clear sailings from there on in till the next D-Day after second semester. One more Anatomy and Physiology Written Exam... One more Medical Terminology Written Exam... One more Professional Practice Written Exam... and then it's time for some CHRISTMAS SHOPPING! And after that... PRACTICUM! Excited... yet Nervous...
anyways... later all. Wish me luck!
EDIT: Apparently my template was not compatible with the new Blogger: Beta. So I've gone back to my original blogger template (with a few minor tweaks). I actually liked my newest blog template but whatever. This will do for now. Now comments should work again. I'll try to figure something out for my better template later... after I'm done studying... which I need to get back to now. Thanks for the distraction PRISCILLA!! :P
80% or above = pass = continue in EMT-A Program
79% or below = possible retest = booted from EMT-A Program
No longer multiple choice exams... but it's time for the practical exams! Trauma Scenario. Medical Scenario. Skill Testing. Dum Dum Dum! Probably the most nerve wrecking day of the entire semester. The day everyone stresses over. The day everyone loses sleep over. The day everyone pulls their hair out and even the toughest of guys will allow some tears to flow.
Well... figured I havn't blogged in a while and wanted to post a blog under this new beta version... so far everything seems about the same. Also... missed YAC last night cause I was exhausted from studying and practicing scenarios. I have a feeling I'll be missing church tomorrow as well to continue going over my signs and symptoms in order to better diagnose a patient properly in the field. And then Monday Morning... D-Day. 0800-1700.
Well, lets hope I PASS!! Me and my platoon is probably going out to celebrate afterwards, lol. I told them I don't drink, so we'll probably hit up a resteraunt or something instead of the bar! haha, I'm such a party pooper! Otherwise... after Monday (if I pass) it will be clear sailings from there on in till the next D-Day after second semester. One more Anatomy and Physiology Written Exam... One more Medical Terminology Written Exam... One more Professional Practice Written Exam... and then it's time for some CHRISTMAS SHOPPING! And after that... PRACTICUM! Excited... yet Nervous...
anyways... later all. Wish me luck!
EDIT: Apparently my template was not compatible with the new Blogger: Beta. So I've gone back to my original blogger template (with a few minor tweaks). I actually liked my newest blog template but whatever. This will do for now. Now comments should work again. I'll try to figure something out for my better template later... after I'm done studying... which I need to get back to now. Thanks for the distraction PRISCILLA!! :P
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Flames Analysis: Forwards
The Calgary Flames have recalled Dustin Boyd and Brandon Prust from their minor league team. The Omaha AkSarBen Knights are currently 8-0-1 and are one of three AHL teams to still be unbeaten in regulation. Boyd is also tied for the AHL scoring lead with 13 pts in 9 games.
The Rookies
Their recall from the minors should light a fire under some of our (a)pathetic veterans such as Amonte, Friesen, Lundmark and Richie!
Boyd is probably a short-term call-up... just cause the expectations of him are a lot higher. He's expected to become a number one centerman for the flames and I believe he needs more time to improve in the minors first. Though, he''s probably quite capable of centering the 4th line regularly for us right now, possibly the 2nd, but not the 1st. And he won't learn to be a number one centerman with the limited ice-time he'll get with the big team. However, that is up in the air. Cause if he does take over the 4th line center position. I believe he could still get quality ice-time to be effective and still work towards becoming the number one center of the future.
Prust should be ready for a long-term stay. He's projected to be a checking-line winger and or energy-line winger with potential for some second-line duty. He's not huge, but he'll fight anyone. He plays like Yelle where he'll sacrifice his body for the play. He plays with his heart on his sleeve and plays all-out every shift which is something we have lacked this year from our forwards. I personally think he is better than Richie and Lundmark. Though, not as skilled offensively as Lundmark, at least he won't disappear for long periods of time like Lundmark does.
Nystrom is also still with the team currently... still hasn't been sent down to the minors from the onset of training camp. However, he's still out with an injury... but is listed as day-to-day. Another hard-working player that plays with his heart on his sleeve. Likened to be the next Yelle with more of a offensive ability (kinda like Nilson). If Nystrom gets healthy and is cleared to play... I think the line of Nystrom - Boyd - Prust would be awesome to watch.
The Veterans
Busts - Not Reaching Expectations - Disappointments
Richie has been useful as a 13th forward due to his ability to play all 3 forward positions, but is expendable due to a lack of skill and size. Lundmark has done nothing to prove to anyone that he isn't anything BUT a first round bust. Friesen is inconsistent but has shown glimpses of excellence (great speed, great work along the boards, great forechecking, great backchecking)... same with Amonte and Huselius. But all three are being paid too much for what they are actually bringing to the team right now and none of them are reaching their expectations. Amonte is not scoring cause he can't seem to keep the puck on his stick long enough to do anything with it, and the times that he seems to be able to actually hold on to the puck... he shoots 5 feet wide or passes 5 feet ahead of the intended teammate. Huselius... what can you say about him? He's always been inconsistent. Too much skill and not enough hockey smarts. He stickhandles as well as anyone in the league and his ability to keep the puck in the offensive zone is awesome to watch... but he rarely shoots and always loses the puck before he can find someone open to pass to (precisely because he is unwilling to shoot regularly - the opposition plays the pass instead of worrying about him shooting). Tanguay falls under the bust category not because his expectations were too high, but because he is simply playing too tentatively out there which leads to inconsitency for someone of his skill calibre. He needs to regain that confidence and start skating and playing with more of an edge. Similar to Huselius where he looks for the pass too often and needs to look towards the net more and crash the net more. All these players listed above need to improve or face the possibility of being benched and replaced by the rookies just called up. Huselius and Tanguay are the only 2 out of that list that I don't see being sat out because they are still producing and creating chances... but just arn't reaching their expectations.
Reaching Expectations
Yelle was playing well before he was injured. Nilson has stepped his game back up from a poor season last year (poor in terms of offense - he still led the team in +/-) and still hasn't gotten the points per say this season, but the chances that he has created this season are akin to when he played with Nemo and Donovon... but Amonte and Friesen as his linemates currently arn't helping any... and McCarty and Lundmark before that didn't help any either. McCarty is playing to expectation as an energy line winger and "heavy-weighter" though he clearly does not belong in that weight class.
Lombardi and Kobasew have been a plus for the team this season... though consistency is still something that is lacking from both of them. They are dominant in 2/3 of the games which is an improvement from the 1/3 of the games from the past season. But they are playing to where most expected them to be this season. They are adding secondary scoring and are using their speed to their advantage in the New NHL... but consistency is the biggest issue.
Langkow has been playing well as far as I can tell. He's a quiet kinda player that doesn't draw too much attention to his play. But he's still getting points and creating chances. In my opinion... he isn't a number one centerman... but until Boyd or Lombardi steps up and proves that they CAN be that number one centerman, Langkow will continue to anchor that position. But I believe he thrives best as the 2nd line centerman. Highly reliable though.
Iginla has been playing well considering he usually has a slow start to the season. Seems to be adapting as the season goes on to the New NHL. Confidence seems to be building and should continue to improve. Especially if the rest of the team gets going and supports Iginla up front.
Trade would be nice... but the players we want to give up or can give up are not worth anyone good. And getting someone good would require us to lose someone we NEED like (Iginla, Regehr, Phaneuf, Kipper) or a prospect (Boyd, Nystrom, Prust, Taratukin, Chucko).
The Rookies
Their recall from the minors should light a fire under some of our (a)pathetic veterans such as Amonte, Friesen, Lundmark and Richie!
Boyd is probably a short-term call-up... just cause the expectations of him are a lot higher. He's expected to become a number one centerman for the flames and I believe he needs more time to improve in the minors first. Though, he''s probably quite capable of centering the 4th line regularly for us right now, possibly the 2nd, but not the 1st. And he won't learn to be a number one centerman with the limited ice-time he'll get with the big team. However, that is up in the air. Cause if he does take over the 4th line center position. I believe he could still get quality ice-time to be effective and still work towards becoming the number one center of the future.
Prust should be ready for a long-term stay. He's projected to be a checking-line winger and or energy-line winger with potential for some second-line duty. He's not huge, but he'll fight anyone. He plays like Yelle where he'll sacrifice his body for the play. He plays with his heart on his sleeve and plays all-out every shift which is something we have lacked this year from our forwards. I personally think he is better than Richie and Lundmark. Though, not as skilled offensively as Lundmark, at least he won't disappear for long periods of time like Lundmark does.
Nystrom is also still with the team currently... still hasn't been sent down to the minors from the onset of training camp. However, he's still out with an injury... but is listed as day-to-day. Another hard-working player that plays with his heart on his sleeve. Likened to be the next Yelle with more of a offensive ability (kinda like Nilson). If Nystrom gets healthy and is cleared to play... I think the line of Nystrom - Boyd - Prust would be awesome to watch.
The Veterans
Busts - Not Reaching Expectations - Disappointments
Richie has been useful as a 13th forward due to his ability to play all 3 forward positions, but is expendable due to a lack of skill and size. Lundmark has done nothing to prove to anyone that he isn't anything BUT a first round bust. Friesen is inconsistent but has shown glimpses of excellence (great speed, great work along the boards, great forechecking, great backchecking)... same with Amonte and Huselius. But all three are being paid too much for what they are actually bringing to the team right now and none of them are reaching their expectations. Amonte is not scoring cause he can't seem to keep the puck on his stick long enough to do anything with it, and the times that he seems to be able to actually hold on to the puck... he shoots 5 feet wide or passes 5 feet ahead of the intended teammate. Huselius... what can you say about him? He's always been inconsistent. Too much skill and not enough hockey smarts. He stickhandles as well as anyone in the league and his ability to keep the puck in the offensive zone is awesome to watch... but he rarely shoots and always loses the puck before he can find someone open to pass to (precisely because he is unwilling to shoot regularly - the opposition plays the pass instead of worrying about him shooting). Tanguay falls under the bust category not because his expectations were too high, but because he is simply playing too tentatively out there which leads to inconsitency for someone of his skill calibre. He needs to regain that confidence and start skating and playing with more of an edge. Similar to Huselius where he looks for the pass too often and needs to look towards the net more and crash the net more. All these players listed above need to improve or face the possibility of being benched and replaced by the rookies just called up. Huselius and Tanguay are the only 2 out of that list that I don't see being sat out because they are still producing and creating chances... but just arn't reaching their expectations.
Reaching Expectations
Yelle was playing well before he was injured. Nilson has stepped his game back up from a poor season last year (poor in terms of offense - he still led the team in +/-) and still hasn't gotten the points per say this season, but the chances that he has created this season are akin to when he played with Nemo and Donovon... but Amonte and Friesen as his linemates currently arn't helping any... and McCarty and Lundmark before that didn't help any either. McCarty is playing to expectation as an energy line winger and "heavy-weighter" though he clearly does not belong in that weight class.
Lombardi and Kobasew have been a plus for the team this season... though consistency is still something that is lacking from both of them. They are dominant in 2/3 of the games which is an improvement from the 1/3 of the games from the past season. But they are playing to where most expected them to be this season. They are adding secondary scoring and are using their speed to their advantage in the New NHL... but consistency is the biggest issue.
Langkow has been playing well as far as I can tell. He's a quiet kinda player that doesn't draw too much attention to his play. But he's still getting points and creating chances. In my opinion... he isn't a number one centerman... but until Boyd or Lombardi steps up and proves that they CAN be that number one centerman, Langkow will continue to anchor that position. But I believe he thrives best as the 2nd line centerman. Highly reliable though.
Iginla has been playing well considering he usually has a slow start to the season. Seems to be adapting as the season goes on to the New NHL. Confidence seems to be building and should continue to improve. Especially if the rest of the team gets going and supports Iginla up front.
Trade would be nice... but the players we want to give up or can give up are not worth anyone good. And getting someone good would require us to lose someone we NEED like (Iginla, Regehr, Phaneuf, Kipper) or a prospect (Boyd, Nystrom, Prust, Taratukin, Chucko).
Monday, October 30, 2006
Refused Hockey Tickets!!
Oh wow... the more I think about it... the more I think I'm crazy!! lol. I can't believe I actually refused FLAMES tickets today. Granted... I have an exam tomorrow and I need to study for it. That on its own should make it clear that I'm not totally crazy, cause it means I put my priorities in the proper place. Studies first before Entertainment. But with the game starting in less than an hour... I'm starting to think I should have went, lol. I mean, honestly... Alexander Ovechkin is in town... his only appearance probably for the next 3 years. And probably my best and only chance of going to a hockey game this year. AND the craziest thing of it all... the game is on Sportsnet tonight... and guess what? I'll be watching at home ANYWAYS!! So that led me to wonder... why DID I refuse those tickets? Granted, I was in the process of studying when I was told I could have them and my mind was focused on studying and being prepared for tomorrow... but I had already planned to watch the game on tv anyways... so the time slot was left open for it anyways!!
Perhaps it's because it is just a regular season game... and I'm saying JUST a regular season game only because I've been to a playoff game now. And thinking back to last season... the 2 games I went to in the regular season just wan't as entertaining or interesting as that one playoff game or any of the other regular season games I've been to over the years. Guess my expectations for hockey games have been elevated now... I still watch and listen to most of the Flames games... but watching/listening on my own or with a small group of friends seems to be more of what I want then going to a live game. So, it's not purely on expectation for watching hockey games, cause I still watch them. Just when it comes to live hockey games... maybe it's the environment... you would expect a better crowd and environment. The nose-bleeds have great environment, but horrible view of the actual game itself. And the lower-bowl and second floor (where the tickets were for tonight) are mainly season ticket holders that go to most of the games and seem to hold their A-games for the playoffs or games that truly matter. Maybe that's why?
Either way... I still think I'm crazy!! lol. But I don't regret the decision. Studying is important and even if I watch the game at home, I can still work on studying and do more things during intermissions or what not, whereas at a live game, I'd be unable to do anything else.
Blah.
Perhaps it's because it is just a regular season game... and I'm saying JUST a regular season game only because I've been to a playoff game now. And thinking back to last season... the 2 games I went to in the regular season just wan't as entertaining or interesting as that one playoff game or any of the other regular season games I've been to over the years. Guess my expectations for hockey games have been elevated now... I still watch and listen to most of the Flames games... but watching/listening on my own or with a small group of friends seems to be more of what I want then going to a live game. So, it's not purely on expectation for watching hockey games, cause I still watch them. Just when it comes to live hockey games... maybe it's the environment... you would expect a better crowd and environment. The nose-bleeds have great environment, but horrible view of the actual game itself. And the lower-bowl and second floor (where the tickets were for tonight) are mainly season ticket holders that go to most of the games and seem to hold their A-games for the playoffs or games that truly matter. Maybe that's why?
Either way... I still think I'm crazy!! lol. But I don't regret the decision. Studying is important and even if I watch the game at home, I can still work on studying and do more things during intermissions or what not, whereas at a live game, I'd be unable to do anything else.
Blah.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Depression and Wounds
WARNING: Semi-Long Blog... Highly Negative Blog... Nothing Of Much Interest Blog...
So, over the past few years (since I graduated from HS) I've noticed that every autumn becomes very difficult for me mentally. Possible Seasonal Depression? Even my mom has noticed it and believes it to be the case. Sigh. My mom brings up the point that my first semester grades are always lower than my second semester grades... very interesting, lol. I always figured it was because I'm a slow-starter but looking back over the past few years... I seem to give up easier on things around the autumn compared to spring. I also find that I need a LOT more sleep during this time then I usually do. And no, it isn't from oversleeping... I know the feeling of oversleeping cause I've done that quite often the past year of on-and-off schooling and working and this isn't it. I bring this up now... cause I found myself quitting on studying really quickly these past few weeks. I'm usually slow to motivate myself to begin studying, but usually once I start I'm alright and go along at a decent pace. But this time... once I started... I gave up really quickly and in a really negative way. Is this because of possible seasonal depression? or something else?
The Mens Cell-Group has been going through the book "Wild At Heart" and it speaks of being wounded and losing oneself (the true masculine heart as created by God). This weeks chapter was on needing to acknowledge your wounds first in order to be able to overcome your wounds. As I was thinking about what possible wounds I have hidden away... the thought... FAILURE came to mind. I've always been scared of failure... possibly because of the punishment and the expectations to exceed from family and culture. But I KNOW the reason why I became so lazy in school was because I could simply say this after any result:
If I did well in an exam or a class: "Yeah, I didn't study for this at all (makes me seem smarter then I truly am)"
If I didn't do well in an exam or a class: "Yeah, I didn't study for this at all (gives me an excuse for my failures)"
And I was able to pull this off through JH and HS... but reality sunk in when I went to University. Being requested to withdraw twice in three years... The first time, I blamed it on my English prof. who gave me an F. And it didn't help any when I went from an F to a B+ just from changing English profs, cause it made myself believe it even more that the first time wasn't my fault. But then failing a BioChem midterm even after studying 300X more than I have ever studied for any other exam... wow... that smacked me silly and I never recovered from that failure. So, am I so afraid of failure now that I'm afraid to even try? Or, am I so hurt from past failures that even when I do try... I start to think that it will not matter and just give up? Sigh.
So many times I wish I had learned something different when I was younger. So many times I wish I could go back in time and change who I am. So many times I wish I was somebody else. So many times I wish I was born somewhere else. So many times I wish I wasn't even born. So often do I find myself living my life through my mind, through my fantasies. So often do I find myself caught up playing a video game, watching a movie, tv show, reading a fantasy/sci-fi novel... and so often do I find myself wishing I was in that reality instead of this one. Always living my life as the hero. The one who is filled with honor. The one that saves the world. The one that saves others. And yet... in this life... would I be the hero? or the villain? or possibly just a nobody? The ensign that gets sent on every mission just so that someome could get killed... Maybe my mom was right? The reason why I want to become a paramedic is because it is viewed as a "hero" job - the entire job-description is precisely that... you go out and you save others. Though, we rarely if ever put our own life in risk to do so... which is perhaps why I've been thinking about joining the military... ack... am I doing this paramedic program because of MY OWN WISHES? or because this is who God created me to be? Sigh... so many questions... that always only lead to more questions.
Rev. Kelly Johnson said on Sunday that the more you are alone, the less years you'll live. Sometimes I wish that my limited years would just come to end now.
Wow... did that ever turn into a negative blog! Anyways... FYI: I'm not suicidal and I'm not highly-depressed. Just felt I needed to get some things off my chest in order to acknowledge my wounds and to overcome them. So now... back to studying Medical Terminology (how I loathe thee)... and hopefully with less burden upon my heart that I might be able to focus without feeling the need to quit. :P
So, over the past few years (since I graduated from HS) I've noticed that every autumn becomes very difficult for me mentally. Possible Seasonal Depression? Even my mom has noticed it and believes it to be the case. Sigh. My mom brings up the point that my first semester grades are always lower than my second semester grades... very interesting, lol. I always figured it was because I'm a slow-starter but looking back over the past few years... I seem to give up easier on things around the autumn compared to spring. I also find that I need a LOT more sleep during this time then I usually do. And no, it isn't from oversleeping... I know the feeling of oversleeping cause I've done that quite often the past year of on-and-off schooling and working and this isn't it. I bring this up now... cause I found myself quitting on studying really quickly these past few weeks. I'm usually slow to motivate myself to begin studying, but usually once I start I'm alright and go along at a decent pace. But this time... once I started... I gave up really quickly and in a really negative way. Is this because of possible seasonal depression? or something else?
The Mens Cell-Group has been going through the book "Wild At Heart" and it speaks of being wounded and losing oneself (the true masculine heart as created by God). This weeks chapter was on needing to acknowledge your wounds first in order to be able to overcome your wounds. As I was thinking about what possible wounds I have hidden away... the thought... FAILURE came to mind. I've always been scared of failure... possibly because of the punishment and the expectations to exceed from family and culture. But I KNOW the reason why I became so lazy in school was because I could simply say this after any result:
If I did well in an exam or a class: "Yeah, I didn't study for this at all (makes me seem smarter then I truly am)"
If I didn't do well in an exam or a class: "Yeah, I didn't study for this at all (gives me an excuse for my failures)"
And I was able to pull this off through JH and HS... but reality sunk in when I went to University. Being requested to withdraw twice in three years... The first time, I blamed it on my English prof. who gave me an F. And it didn't help any when I went from an F to a B+ just from changing English profs, cause it made myself believe it even more that the first time wasn't my fault. But then failing a BioChem midterm even after studying 300X more than I have ever studied for any other exam... wow... that smacked me silly and I never recovered from that failure. So, am I so afraid of failure now that I'm afraid to even try? Or, am I so hurt from past failures that even when I do try... I start to think that it will not matter and just give up? Sigh.
So many times I wish I had learned something different when I was younger. So many times I wish I could go back in time and change who I am. So many times I wish I was somebody else. So many times I wish I was born somewhere else. So many times I wish I wasn't even born. So often do I find myself living my life through my mind, through my fantasies. So often do I find myself caught up playing a video game, watching a movie, tv show, reading a fantasy/sci-fi novel... and so often do I find myself wishing I was in that reality instead of this one. Always living my life as the hero. The one who is filled with honor. The one that saves the world. The one that saves others. And yet... in this life... would I be the hero? or the villain? or possibly just a nobody? The ensign that gets sent on every mission just so that someome could get killed... Maybe my mom was right? The reason why I want to become a paramedic is because it is viewed as a "hero" job - the entire job-description is precisely that... you go out and you save others. Though, we rarely if ever put our own life in risk to do so... which is perhaps why I've been thinking about joining the military... ack... am I doing this paramedic program because of MY OWN WISHES? or because this is who God created me to be? Sigh... so many questions... that always only lead to more questions.
Rev. Kelly Johnson said on Sunday that the more you are alone, the less years you'll live. Sometimes I wish that my limited years would just come to end now.
Wow... did that ever turn into a negative blog! Anyways... FYI: I'm not suicidal and I'm not highly-depressed. Just felt I needed to get some things off my chest in order to acknowledge my wounds and to overcome them. So now... back to studying Medical Terminology (how I loathe thee)... and hopefully with less burden upon my heart that I might be able to focus without feeling the need to quit. :P
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Intervenous Access
Man was it ever stressful today at school. We had a full-day purely focusing on Intervenous Access... and it's stressful. It's stressful when you finally do a live trial on your partner cause you really don't want to screw up. I mean, you're sticking a needle into their bloodstream and everything. But... good thing is, I got it on the first try, so I'm qutie happy. But the scariest part of the day was when I had to be sticked by my partner... and it's not so much the fear or needles - cause I've gotten needles all my life without any problems - but it's more a fear of EMT Students that are trying an IV Access for the first time ever on a live person (being ME). Sitting there and waiting for my partner to finish setting up was extremely stressful... just sitting there and waiting... apparently I looked pretty freaked out cause 2 of my instructors were like... "Are you okay? If you're not up for it, you don't have to do it". lol. But it went by alright. Needle in feels like any other needle in... nothing different about it, so that was alright. But most times a needle is poked in and taken out relatively quickly - no longer than half-a-minute... but this time it was left in there for a couple minutes and it feels SOOOO strange having something in your vein... and when it moves around, it feels so weird. Also, my partner didn't put enough pressure on my vein during the procedure so I ended up bleeding quite a bit... all over my hand. Oh well... it was a good leason learned there. Cause when it was my turn, I learned from his mistake and was able to do it without the leakage of blood. :P
Thursday, October 05, 2006
A Little Bit Of Nothing
Well... the NHL Season finally started and I know I missed hockey when I watch a Toronto-Ottawa game, lol. The first one, where Ottawa won... not tonights where Toronto won, but yeah... it's strange. I've been so anxious for time to speed up and for the new season to start... but now that the season has started... I'm anxious for playoffs to come along and for us to find out where everyone stands in terms of playoff picture. Who needs to wait 8 months and wait for your favorite team to play 82 games before finding out how they do this season!?! This is why playing NHL on Gamecube is so cool... you can finish a whole season in less than an hour. :P
In other news... the Flames have lost their opening game. But that's alright, one game out of 82. Whoopie-do, lol. But I think their BEST shift the entire night... was that first shift they had, and then after that... nothing. No emotion. No jump. A bunch of missed plays. Edmonton played well though... going to be interesting watching that offense of theirs, very interesting. And when a hockey game has such a lack of emotion... I tend to watch something else. And Remembering the Titans, is actually a pretty good movie. I liked it. I missed Iginla's penaltyshot because of that movie, lol. But then again... Iginla and penalty shots... they just don't mesh. :P
And a couple more videos for your viewing pleasures. This first video pays homage to the last Movie Night at Yee-Poh's theatre (though I was not there). Who knows who that is?
This second one is for all you guys out there... and perhaps as interesting tidbit for all you females out there as well. :P (Warning: Video Length: 9:56
In other news... the Flames have lost their opening game. But that's alright, one game out of 82. Whoopie-do, lol. But I think their BEST shift the entire night... was that first shift they had, and then after that... nothing. No emotion. No jump. A bunch of missed plays. Edmonton played well though... going to be interesting watching that offense of theirs, very interesting. And when a hockey game has such a lack of emotion... I tend to watch something else. And Remembering the Titans, is actually a pretty good movie. I liked it. I missed Iginla's penaltyshot because of that movie, lol. But then again... Iginla and penalty shots... they just don't mesh. :P
And a couple more videos for your viewing pleasures. This first video pays homage to the last Movie Night at Yee-Poh's theatre (though I was not there). Who knows who that is?
This second one is for all you guys out there... and perhaps as interesting tidbit for all you females out there as well. :P (Warning: Video Length: 9:56
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Friday, September 08, 2006
Online Gaming!
Man, do I ever enjoy online gaming. Though, not the Counter Strike or WOW or anything major like that. But nice, simple turn-based or... time-based online games. I'm currently playing in 2... I think I'm going to drop the 3rd one because it's getting boring. One of them is a turn-based Mobster game, which is kinda cool. It's getting pretty stupid now because there are so many supporters (those who pay for turns) that us free-rankers (those who play for free) have little-to-no chance of winning (prizes for free-rankers are extra turns). But I think I'll keep playing that game because of my ties to my family in that game, lol. Like all online games, you meet ppl and you become 'friends'... 'friends' that know nothing about each other outside of the game, lol. But it's interesting enough.
The other game I'm currently playing is also a turn-based game, but this is a Combat version. Whereas instead of trying to be the top mobster in networth, you are trying to be the top militia in networth, lol. This one is pretty fun for now because it is relatively new and there are few supporters and it's pretty fair for everyone.
The 3rd one that I am going to drop is also a turn-based mobster game... that just isn't as interesting. But, I guess I'll be replacing that game with a time-based zoo game. This one should probably be the funnest of them all!! Mostly because I'll be playing with ACTUAL friends and not so-called online 'friends', lol. So... I realize that the majority of my blog readers are not into games, but if you wish to find out more and to join and play along... check out http://jackson.chanclan.ca/holepuncherb/blog/ and the BOWZOO game! It will be owned and operated by Jackson Chan and people like ME, Jenny, Sam, Leo and Andrew will be playing. So go and sign up and lets have some FUN!
Well, that's my geek post for this month!
P.S. - Don't forget to check MY PHOTOS for photos from Summer Camp and the last 2 weeks of DVBS '06!
P.P.S. - Don't forget to check MY VIDEOS for videos from YAC: Competition Night!!
P.P.P.S. - Don't forget to check my last blog entry "End of Summer with September Long Weekend" for a most interesting story about Pillows and Lizards and feast your eyes on some videos (not posted at MY VIDEOS)!!!
P.P.P.P.S. - Crap, I'm so not into school mode still!! and it's already been TWO WEEKS! I really need to start cracking down and be more MENTALLY PREPARED! I have an idea for a weekly schedule starting next week... lets see how mentally disciplined I am and whether or not my schedule is actually going to work out. Seems feasible... but will it become reality? I hope so!!
P.P.P.P.P.S. - Friday Night Hockey Starts TONIGHT! Lets see if I remember how to skate, lol!
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. - NHL Training Camp starts next week... so excited!!
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. - yeah yeah... this P.S. thing is so... like someone else, lol. But this will be the last time I use it, hopefully, lol! It just somehow started and it the wind took it and blew it out of PROPORTION!!
The other game I'm currently playing is also a turn-based game, but this is a Combat version. Whereas instead of trying to be the top mobster in networth, you are trying to be the top militia in networth, lol. This one is pretty fun for now because it is relatively new and there are few supporters and it's pretty fair for everyone.
The 3rd one that I am going to drop is also a turn-based mobster game... that just isn't as interesting. But, I guess I'll be replacing that game with a time-based zoo game. This one should probably be the funnest of them all!! Mostly because I'll be playing with ACTUAL friends and not so-called online 'friends', lol. So... I realize that the majority of my blog readers are not into games, but if you wish to find out more and to join and play along... check out http://jackson.chanclan.ca/holepuncherb/blog/ and the BOWZOO game! It will be owned and operated by Jackson Chan and people like ME, Jenny, Sam, Leo and Andrew will be playing. So go and sign up and lets have some FUN!
Well, that's my geek post for this month!
P.S. - Don't forget to check MY PHOTOS for photos from Summer Camp and the last 2 weeks of DVBS '06!
P.P.S. - Don't forget to check MY VIDEOS for videos from YAC: Competition Night!!
P.P.P.S. - Don't forget to check my last blog entry "End of Summer with September Long Weekend" for a most interesting story about Pillows and Lizards and feast your eyes on some videos (not posted at MY VIDEOS)!!!
P.P.P.P.S. - Crap, I'm so not into school mode still!! and it's already been TWO WEEKS! I really need to start cracking down and be more MENTALLY PREPARED! I have an idea for a weekly schedule starting next week... lets see how mentally disciplined I am and whether or not my schedule is actually going to work out. Seems feasible... but will it become reality? I hope so!!
P.P.P.P.P.S. - Friday Night Hockey Starts TONIGHT! Lets see if I remember how to skate, lol!
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. - NHL Training Camp starts next week... so excited!!
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. - yeah yeah... this P.S. thing is so... like someone else, lol. But this will be the last time I use it, hopefully, lol! It just somehow started and it the wind took it and blew it out of PROPORTION!!