Well... guess the first time wasn't a fluke... I am an idiot, cause I failed yet another biochem midterm. I'm so screwed... and there's no excuses either. I screwed this up myself... I screwed up my entire semester, and I don't know what to do... I mean, I guess there are 3 options for this, as far as I can tell...
1) I can just forget about these two midterms and work my butt off and hopefully ace the 50% final... which would help me just barely scrape by in biochem...
or
2) I can talk to Dr. Lemaire and Dr. MacMillan and ask if it's possible for me to have a 100% final... it's do or die... but I'm already in a do or die situation. But if they do permit me to do that, then I at least have a better chance of getting a better mark...
Problem with these 2 is... even if I do somehow pass biochem... and go on with my schedule for this year... I still don't know what my ultimate goal is at University?? what am I aiming for? what is my PURPOSE?? what am I doing here? am I just wasting my life away at something I'm not meant to be doing? I clearly have no motivation here at all and I clearly have no objective here...
So... the third option would be to...
3) Drop out of university all together and pursure a different path. I mean, if university has been teaching me anything... it's that I don't belong here. 2 and a half years, and I'm still screwing up so badly... however, if I do drop out... what would I do? where would I go? Should I pursure a career as a paramedic? which would mean I would move back to Calgary and probably go to SAIT... or what? what else is there for me? what can I do? can I even become a paramedic?? sigh... so many questions... so little answers...
I guess the ultimate questions would be... what am I MEANT to do? who am I MEANT to be? Is everything happening here a sign from God that I shouldn't be here? and if so, then why was I meant to come up to Edmonton? or did I read that wrong as well?? ARGH!! life sucks... but I will prevail, for God is by my side. I just need to realize which direction He is pointing me towards, and to follow, which I guess has always been the hardest thing to do...
oh... and I guess for those of you who actually read my blogs... My dad is doing alright now, he's out of the hospital and is resting at home. Thanks for all your prayers. May God continue to Bless you all.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Sunday, November 14, 2004
the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Well, the long weekend is over now... and like the title suggests, there were good, bad and ugly things over that period.
The Good:
I got to hang out with a lot of friends (new and old) and had an awesome time over the weekend. Saw some HS friends on thursday and met some new ppl as well, ended up eating quite a lot that day, hehe, but we did watch the Incredibles and that was a pretty good movie. We had a pretty awesome time on Saturday as, surprise surprise, Philip organized his first ever event, hehe. :) Everybody seemed to have a really great time during and after dinner at Chianti's, where we ended up having a sorta-arcade like atmosphere at my house. We had the PS2 Karaoke Revolutions 3 (with duets and knockouts) being the most popular item, but we also had another PS2 hooked up to some DDR pads and even to that new drum thingy. We also had a couple ppl playing poker and card games and such, and overall it was just a really fun, loose and relaxing night. Which was great, cause most of the ppl there had spent their time before dinner studying and working on school work. BUT probably the most surprising thing over this long weekend was that I actually got some school work done over that time. :) hehe. Now, if only I would get more done on a regular basis while I'm up here in Edmonton, that would be awesome... if only...
The Bad:
As with all long weekends, or with anytime I find myself back in Calgary during school time, I'm more sleep deprived then ever. hehe. Whoever said that long weekends are meant for recuperation and rest was way off the mark, cause I never get enough rest. And I seem to always use more money then I usually do over that time as well. Though most of it was worth it, good food, good movies, good... well, mostly food, hehe. Oh, and I sure can't sing and boy is my reaction time really slow as proven by DDR, hehe.
The Ugly:
Unfortunately, not everything was nice and peachy over this long weekend as my dad ended up going into the hospital. However, it is still unknown what the true cause of his pain is, but hopefully all will be well. And hopefully my mom will be alright and not stressed over this as well, now that both me and my sister are living away from home and my dad in the hospital... but yeah, God is in control and all will work out according to His will.
The Good:
I got to hang out with a lot of friends (new and old) and had an awesome time over the weekend. Saw some HS friends on thursday and met some new ppl as well, ended up eating quite a lot that day, hehe, but we did watch the Incredibles and that was a pretty good movie. We had a pretty awesome time on Saturday as, surprise surprise, Philip organized his first ever event, hehe. :) Everybody seemed to have a really great time during and after dinner at Chianti's, where we ended up having a sorta-arcade like atmosphere at my house. We had the PS2 Karaoke Revolutions 3 (with duets and knockouts) being the most popular item, but we also had another PS2 hooked up to some DDR pads and even to that new drum thingy. We also had a couple ppl playing poker and card games and such, and overall it was just a really fun, loose and relaxing night. Which was great, cause most of the ppl there had spent their time before dinner studying and working on school work. BUT probably the most surprising thing over this long weekend was that I actually got some school work done over that time. :) hehe. Now, if only I would get more done on a regular basis while I'm up here in Edmonton, that would be awesome... if only...
The Bad:
As with all long weekends, or with anytime I find myself back in Calgary during school time, I'm more sleep deprived then ever. hehe. Whoever said that long weekends are meant for recuperation and rest was way off the mark, cause I never get enough rest. And I seem to always use more money then I usually do over that time as well. Though most of it was worth it, good food, good movies, good... well, mostly food, hehe. Oh, and I sure can't sing and boy is my reaction time really slow as proven by DDR, hehe.
The Ugly:
Unfortunately, not everything was nice and peachy over this long weekend as my dad ended up going into the hospital. However, it is still unknown what the true cause of his pain is, but hopefully all will be well. And hopefully my mom will be alright and not stressed over this as well, now that both me and my sister are living away from home and my dad in the hospital... but yeah, God is in control and all will work out according to His will.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
Falling Back
It's sad how I got an extra hour of sleep because of daylight savings time... and yet I was still so tired this morning. I wonder why... why can't I ever feel awake in the morning? sigh... anyways... on the topic of falling back... I've fallen back into my bad habits of my first year of University and it's going to take a LOT of work to get back on track. First on the list is to get my sleeping habit back on track again... and then it's work work work to get myself back on track in my classes. Going to be tough, but it needs to be done.
I actually forced myself up early on a saturday yesterday, and went out to study... however, I ended up coming back home by noon and taking a 2 hour nap before heading back out again. :) I got at least 4-5 hours of... err... kinda studying done. Found that it is REALLY hard to focus... hehe, especially since I borrowed Mercy Me "Undone" from Jen on friday... so yeah... listened to that cd at least 10 times yesterday. It's a good cd, really good, better than I thought it was. I think I shall go and buy it someday... probably when the new Jeremy Camp cd comes out as well.
Have to do this group research project on the history of whales and their evolution from terrestrial to aquatic... can't say it's going to be my favorite subject... but man... Zoology 224 really sucks. All of us in my group hates it, and basically everybody else... it's so hard and it's such useless information (unless we were to go into like paleontology or something...) but yeah... I wonder why this is a pre-requisite for a physiology degree?? I would have figured it would be anatomy classes, which I think I would enjoy a lot better than zoology. But yeah, should check up on that someday. maybe I'm in the wrong classes... which would suck, cause then I would be an additional year behind in uni again... sigh... at this rate I'm going to be a professional student for the rest of my life.
But yeah, been thinking about what occupation I would end up going into eventually again... and I don't know... sometimes I think I'm just afraid to accept or to actually search and pray for an answer... but random thoughts... I thought about being a teacher again... though it came out as a high school teacher of biology... I always figured I would do elementary... but maybe I'm better suited for High School?? if so... then I did waste a few years of school, cause I could have easily done the 5 year joint science/education program... but whatever... hmmm, paramedic came up again, and it seems to be the most prominent thought for a job... but I don't think I can handle that, too much blood and stress... too quick of a job... don't think I can think that quickly or handle situations with that great of a responsibility that quickly. I mean, can you imagine always being in control of somebody's life when u're on the job everyday? Take an extra second to think things over and it could mean life or death?? so I don't know... and ofcourse, the necessary strange and totally impossible job thought... being on a band... though, if that did come true. I'd have to learn how to sing and play guitar. haha... anyways... yeah, that's a definate no. :) Hmmm... kinda wrote a lot didn't I?? okay, that's all for now. :) Wonder if anybody even reads these?? or... one that's this long, haha... must be somebody who has a LOT of time and nothing else to do... :) so that person must be... YOU!!
I actually forced myself up early on a saturday yesterday, and went out to study... however, I ended up coming back home by noon and taking a 2 hour nap before heading back out again. :) I got at least 4-5 hours of... err... kinda studying done. Found that it is REALLY hard to focus... hehe, especially since I borrowed Mercy Me "Undone" from Jen on friday... so yeah... listened to that cd at least 10 times yesterday. It's a good cd, really good, better than I thought it was. I think I shall go and buy it someday... probably when the new Jeremy Camp cd comes out as well.
Have to do this group research project on the history of whales and their evolution from terrestrial to aquatic... can't say it's going to be my favorite subject... but man... Zoology 224 really sucks. All of us in my group hates it, and basically everybody else... it's so hard and it's such useless information (unless we were to go into like paleontology or something...) but yeah... I wonder why this is a pre-requisite for a physiology degree?? I would have figured it would be anatomy classes, which I think I would enjoy a lot better than zoology. But yeah, should check up on that someday. maybe I'm in the wrong classes... which would suck, cause then I would be an additional year behind in uni again... sigh... at this rate I'm going to be a professional student for the rest of my life.
But yeah, been thinking about what occupation I would end up going into eventually again... and I don't know... sometimes I think I'm just afraid to accept or to actually search and pray for an answer... but random thoughts... I thought about being a teacher again... though it came out as a high school teacher of biology... I always figured I would do elementary... but maybe I'm better suited for High School?? if so... then I did waste a few years of school, cause I could have easily done the 5 year joint science/education program... but whatever... hmmm, paramedic came up again, and it seems to be the most prominent thought for a job... but I don't think I can handle that, too much blood and stress... too quick of a job... don't think I can think that quickly or handle situations with that great of a responsibility that quickly. I mean, can you imagine always being in control of somebody's life when u're on the job everyday? Take an extra second to think things over and it could mean life or death?? so I don't know... and ofcourse, the necessary strange and totally impossible job thought... being on a band... though, if that did come true. I'd have to learn how to sing and play guitar. haha... anyways... yeah, that's a definate no. :) Hmmm... kinda wrote a lot didn't I?? okay, that's all for now. :) Wonder if anybody even reads these?? or... one that's this long, haha... must be somebody who has a LOT of time and nothing else to do... :) so that person must be... YOU!!
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Starting Up
Hmmm... I don't know how this blog thing works... but I'm guessing and hoping that this will be better than me cutting and pasting my thoughts from one page to the other all the time.
So yeah... nothing much going on. It's apparently midterm week at the UofA this week... and surprisingly... I have no midterms this week. So yeah, guess I'll just spend the week catching up in my classes. I need to start cracking in school, cause I'm seriously far behind in all my classes.
But I did start working out last week with Tommy, and I realized that I hadn't stepped into a work out gym since grade 10, yup, that was 4-5 years ago, kinda sad eh?? So surprise surprise... I worked out on what was it... Monday evening... and I was sore till the end of Thursday... kinda pathetic, but hopefully over time I'll get stronger and my body will get used to actually doing work. haha
Hmm, what else... hallway hockey is picking up, hehe... but we seem to be scuffing up the walls a bit. :) yup, I guess that's all for now
So yeah... nothing much going on. It's apparently midterm week at the UofA this week... and surprisingly... I have no midterms this week. So yeah, guess I'll just spend the week catching up in my classes. I need to start cracking in school, cause I'm seriously far behind in all my classes.
But I did start working out last week with Tommy, and I realized that I hadn't stepped into a work out gym since grade 10, yup, that was 4-5 years ago, kinda sad eh?? So surprise surprise... I worked out on what was it... Monday evening... and I was sore till the end of Thursday... kinda pathetic, but hopefully over time I'll get stronger and my body will get used to actually doing work. haha
Hmm, what else... hallway hockey is picking up, hehe... but we seem to be scuffing up the walls a bit. :) yup, I guess that's all for now