What happened to him? Where did he go?

Last week, me and Jenny had went out shopping and ended up having a very interesting conversation about everything (mostly about the past) over dinner that lasted over an hour. It was great talking about the past and looking back at our lives and the things we've done, and how we've changed... but one of the things that Jenny stated was that it was great how I don't cry as much as I once did. Which was a lot... I was extremely emotional and broke down into tears every week at the very least... and I agreed with her that it was a good thing. To be emotionally stable is a GOOD thing, to not let minor things bring you down is a GOOD thing, to understand that you can't possibly fix everything or that you arn't always the reason things go sour is a GOOD thing. I honestly can't remember when the last time I broke down into tears over something... possibly first year uni.

Today, I decided to go through all my saved emails in my YAHOO account, so as to send them over to my gmail account. That way I could search for them faster and be able to use them, as most, if not all, were of the inspirational sort. And honestly, I broke into tears, again and again and again. I spent roughly 3 hours reading through them, fixing them up and sending them to my gmail account and the tears just kept coming. And the one thing I realized was this:
In the past few years since I went to Edmonton for schooling and since I've come back home; I have lost something. I thought I had learned so much and gained so much knowledge by living on my own, that I didn't realize what I had lost till tonight. I thought the experience at UofA had made me stronger emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally. I was more social, better equiped for life and was more of individualistic. I wasn't as much of a push-over, I wasn't as scared of people and I wasn't breaking down into tears over every little thing that happens between me and my friends.
But what I've lost were the importance of Love, Faith and Hope. I didn't break down into tears or even showed that I cared over the little things (a friend was hurt by what somebody else said), or even the major things (my parents were in the hospital for medical reasons) anymore because I simply didn't care. If something happened to someone, I'd simply say it was their own fault, they brought it upon themselves or that whatever happens, happens. I no longer sympathized with them or even cared if they got through it. If it happens, it happens, nothing more, nothing less. I looked over some of the emails that I sent out when I was younger and I noticed that some of them had me connecting such emails with bible verses and words of encouragement for people that I cared about. I no longer do that, I no longer even bother trying or caring.

Another thing that I told Jenny was that in this New Year, I want to improve my spiritual walk, because it has slipped over the last few months due to work and a lack of time. Now I realize that I've slipped much further than I would ever have imagined. I no longer serve with a passion, I do what I do because I can, or because I think I can do it better than someone else. I go to fellowship and church because I should, not becuase I long to. I sleep in for work more and more becuase I don't want to be at devotions. My prayers are rigid and done out of habit. And I no longer have that sense of Love for others. I will always look out for and be happy when I'm around my friends, but how many of them do I go out of my way to ensure that their lives are well and to be there for them to lean upon and to stand by them in their most difficult times? How many of them would want me to be there in their most difficult times? How many of them do I allow past my defences, to see who I am inside, to see what troubles me, to allow them to even try to aid in them. I mentioned to Jenny that I have no close friends in my life anymore, but that I was content at having a group of good friends. But where then is my accountability? or my comforting shoulder?

It is a time for change. It is a time to find myself once more. It is a time to find who God wants me to be and to become that person fully. It is a time to step out of the comfort zone and to step away from the excuses. It is a time to become fully in LOVE with God once again and not care about making people happy or finishing those sentences just for a quick laugh. It is a time to find a balance of being the quiet/shy kid and the obnoxious/proud adolescence.

I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by product of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own! but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

THIS DAY IS YOURS DON'T THROW IT AWAY
May God Bless You,
"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be
the world"