Spiral of Death

I feel like I'm spinning out of control.
I've fallen and I can't get up.
I've ran into a dead end.
I've hit a wall, hard.
I'm dazed.
I'm weak.

All I want to do is sleep it off. Sleep my life away.
I've got no energy. No motivation. No appetite.
All I'm left with are my tears. And they keep coming. They don't stop. There's no escape.

I'm withering away.
Physically.
Spiritually.
Emotionally.
Mentally.

But there's a flicker beneath it all...
A flame that's burning...
It's almost out.
I need to re-ignite it.
I need to burn away all that is holding me back.
Be gone, depression!
Be gone, panic attacks!
Be gone, apathy!
Be gone, fear!

But I'm so scared.
Scared to the point of being paralyzed.
I can't move. I can't act. I can't think.
I'm going to be run over and left for dead soon.
And the scary thing is I've started to accept that...

Who am I?
How did I become like this?
Where did I go wrong?

I want to just lie down somewhere and pass away. To run away from it all.

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But I know I can't.
I know God created me for a reason.
I know God has a purpose for me still.

When you can't run, you crawl... and when you can't do that, you find someone to carry you.

And there's only one person strong enough to carry me through this all.

"Footprints in the Sand"
One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints in the sand it was then that I carried you."